|Note to Complacent Lovers|
I'm going to say it now. Say all of it.
Every word I've left on my tounge and choked out instead
I'm alright. Or it's fine.
Those were lies for the most part, by the way.
So I'm going to say it all now.
I'm going to say it because its the right thing to do;
Because I'm not getting any younger
Because I loved you, once.
I never said that. Mostly because you never did either. And I felt if I said I love you
You wouldn't say it back.
I knew I would not be able to take that.
So I left my ruby lips
Sealed like treasures.
I'm going to say it because I don't want you to waste your time trying to make things work. Like I have.
Look- you don't come home at night
This keeps me up. I do not understand this.
You moved here to live there and now you do and you are never there.
This is stupid.
I said I would stick through it but now, I am not sure.
I am thinking it over.
I am thinking this was not such a great idea.
I'm regretting telling you I would.
Everything has been falling apart since your mother came to visit
I consider blaming your mother.
I do blame your mother for a time.
I forgive her when she leaves.
Mostly because it was your fault all along. For not talking. Ever.
Has it been that long that things have been this bad for me?
Yes. I am sure it is.
I cannot remember our last date
That was not you cathartic in your new apartment
That doesn't count
Now I remember.
It doesn't count. It was a month ago.
So now I am considering going to things alone
Which I already do, on first thought
Like the crepe place I was planning on surprising you with today
Before you flaked, on second thought
And apologizing tomorrow before you decided you weren't coming home again
On third thought:
I am considering that maybe you don't need a girlfriend. And if you do, that it obviously cannot be me.
I wanted to say it's snowing out I know this because I'm out in this cold unforgiving relentless wind
On our date. Alone. Even though we planned this last week.
I wasn't going to waste the other ticket at home moping.
I went to dinner.
I went to the show
I went to the crepe place.
And as the sugar melted on my tounge
I got really really angry
And I wanted to say that I don't wait
For boys to get their lives together
To be there for me or
To make me feel wanted.
I just wanted to let you know
That was a lie.
That real New Yorkers go where the fuck they have to in th snow
And if you would think
If you would think, then you would realize that maybe there might be
even more snow by morning
Your half ass bullshit excuses
For not going out with me or home
I'd like you to know that this isn't going to work out.
Just putting that out there.
You made me feel all this while I still had crepe in my mouth.
I've never been angry eating a crepe.
I am really angry.
But I don't wait for half-life posers to get around to being somebody
I'm sorry. I'm not really, but it's the right thing to say.
This is now awkward
I acknowledge this.
Since I can't find a way to end this, which is ironic
(Since that's pretty much what I just did)
Here's a picture of a cat wearing a top hat and dancing.
(comment on this poem)