|Youth Group Guy|
You’ve met him—
You know the one I’m talking about…
He pulls up a chair and joins you in the cafeteria.
“Mind if I join ya”, he asks, but if you did mind,
would he get up and leave?
“You looked lonely sitting here all by yourself,”
he offers, making excuses for his forwardness.
“So, do you have lunch here often?”
he asks, trying to spark conversation.
You’re wondering to yourself,
“Who is this guy & why did he have to sit by me?”
Out of all the empty seats in the place
why does this guy next to me…
What have I done to deserve this?
This guy, my friends, is a special species of man
a special breed whom I have come to identify as: “Youth Group Guy”.
He means well, and is generally FILLED with good conversation.
Relatively safe, he is rarely scary and seldom repulsive.
In fact, “Youth Group Guy” is actually very charming.
You will find yourself sitting up late at nite
debating all sorts of topics together…
Just don’t ever make a pass at him—this will be explained later in detail.
One of the most blatant characteristics of “Youth Group Guy”
is his inherent ability to make all topics of conversation
end up pointing toward religion.
He has honed this skill set to an art.
In fact, you’d be surprised how you never looked
at your breakfast toast as human flesh
broken and sacrificed
just for you!
“Youth Group Guy” is not out for romance.
He doesn’t want to pop your cherry—
you’ll be lucky if he even wants
to hold your hand!
He’s saving the sanctity of lovemaking
“Don’t you feel the same way?
Don’t you want to be pure for your spouse?”
Before he is finished talking with you
“Youth Group Guy” will, like as not,
have added you to his “soul sac”.
It is starting to get REAL heavy these days.
He will routinely report back to his guru,
“Youth Group Leader” guy,
whom he looks up to in every way;
charting his witnessing progress in great detail.
It’s not so much that “Youth Group Guy”
is a bad man…. In fact, he’s really an upstanding citizen,
quite the philanthropist and selfless
to a fault.
Somehow, it’s just the idea
that you’re just a number to him,
part of his latest evangelical challenge—
yesterday’s good news.
Sometimes you think it might just be possible to bite on his sweet bait.
You can almost taste the fulfilling worm
of salvation, goodness, truth,
faith, hope and love…
As he walks away
he casts his line out again.
You realize that, to him, you are merely a minnow
in a lake of lost souls…
He’d probably just throw you back in.
(comment on this poem)