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post examples of a better grade of critique  joey  1 Oct 08 8:56PM Thread Closed

I enjoy your verbal jocularity and occasionally, your pamphlet-sized comments -- doodles, scribbles, inaccurate references, fantasies, and all.  Even the Andy Kaufman-meets-Howard Roark digital persona is appealing considering the amount of buffalo manure passed off as mature work that gets slung about the white interior of this .net.  Perhaps you more than the rest have accepted what we all inherently know to be true, that poetry is long since dead.  Hence your continual and mostly masturbatory abuse towards varun and others.

I wish you'd thrown in a hint of the constructive now and again.  I tried to be helpful towards you when you were mike.  Put aside your publicity stunt faux personality for two seconds and return the favor.
— aurelius          [!]

re: post examples of a better grade of critique  unknown  1 Oct 08 8:58PM Thread Closed

it called me a duck.

re: post examples of a better grade of critique  joey  1 Oct 08 9:00PM Thread Closed

It's "Fuhrer".  And I don't think Adolf had anything to do with the Duchess of Windsor, albeit she was a Nazi sympathizer.  What're you getting at, or do you know?

The last stanza was the most provocative.  Keep experimenting.
— aurelius          [!]

naw, there's this great photo of her and him meeting adolf and adolf; her smiling this appreciative smile. "feurer" for the obvious reason -- sorry about that -- "joey" always tries to play the ironic bon vivant.

and even joey, the little MFA wonder, would have enough control of this little graphic novel to carry it into farce. he knew what he was doing, it just wasn't that profound and that's probably why it didn't hit you.., it's just a game of what if, and the first part is dog-umentary and the second is ramond queneau meets max jacob.
— joey          [!]

I enjoy your verbal jocularity and occasionally, your pamphlet-sized comments -- doodles, scribbles, inaccurate references, fantasies, and all.  Even the Andy Kaufman-meets-Howard Roark digital persona is appealing considering the amount of buffalo manure passed off as mature work that gets slung about the white interior of this .net.  Perhaps you more than the rest have accepted what we all inherently know to be true, that poetry is long since dead.  Hence your continual and mostly masturbatory abuse towards varun and others.

I wish you'd thrown in a hint of the constructive now and again.  I tried to be helpful towards you when you were mike.  Put aside your publicity stunt faux personality for two seconds and return the favor.
— aurelius

he didn't like hearing that hitler and simpson had met. i can't get much more out of this than a sour-grapes rule. that he din't like fire/fuhrer, in a comic poem, doesn't really matter. perhaps his dissertation on fichte was burnt in the dresden holocaust.

re: post examples of a better grade of critique  1994  1 Oct 08 9:00PM Thread Closed

it did.
it really did.
;)

re: post examples of a better grade of critique  joey  1 Oct 08 9:01PM Thread Closed

a taxi would have been quicker.


> it called me a duck.

re: post examples of a better grade of critique  joey  1 Oct 08 9:02PM Thread Closed

Congratulations for creating a rythymn for your words. So did Three Little Pigs.
— poetbill  

re: post examples of a better grade of critique  1994  1 Oct 08 9:03PM Thread Closed

of course
unknown
when it calls people
ducks
it's affectionate.

it thinks.

> it called me a duck.

re: post examples of a better grade of critique  joey  1 Oct 08 9:03PM Thread Closed

Presuming the poem is speaking of itself, and not you,
the poem gives the reader a case of the creeps--unwanted touching:

"i want to take you into my arms and heal you —"

Gives any normal reader a distinct urge to run! turn and run away!
and quit reading the thing.  Really.  

If I met a stranger speaking this sort of thing, I'd surely not stay on--why would I?
Why would anyone want to hear about your speaker saying "i never wanted to be punished for loving".  So what? Who cares what the speaker wanted, did, or did not do?

The speaker goes on into la-la self indulgences, "the pale blue woman stands over me, beating my face and that one..."  which means nothing definite because it's silly, pretentious-sounding abstraction *again* "encased in quartz, cut stone boy; the statues coated in white translucent quartz" (redundant by repetition and also by modification).  Poems that presume to accost me, make "me" the object of their desires or squiffy attentions, set off creep-alarms.   I run away, rightly so.
— netskyIam  

re: post examples of a better grade of critique  joey  1 Oct 08 9:06PM Thread Closed

I'd take the I from line 8, it isn't needed, in my opinion.  I'd also end this before the naked part, just as we don't need to know if you are wearing clothes to feel the flow, the sand, the world around that seems silent but isn't.  If you keep naked, you might want to spell it as naked, not nakked-boy, as that wrecks the whole mood, for me anyway.  I don't wish to know if it's male or female, it's just person floating in another realm.
— Isabelle5

re: post examples of a better grade of critique  joey  1 Oct 08 9:08PM Thread Closed

contrasting these styles with kael's isn't a solution obviously. the two media work on us in different ways. it's interesting though how these crits are very much about the entertainment value of a piece of writing and yet not about the special character of the writing itself... what a poem 'is'. it's as though a play were being judged as not being exciting enough because there's no close-ups and popcorn.

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