|Ode to Andromeda
He said I smelled
An abandoned warehouse
as untold galaxies,
light as we know it
Cold hard truth,
breeding cold hard concrete,
cold hard air,
and cold hard stains.
Cold as nucleosynthesising microwaves
and sloppy supernovas.
The background noise
that I see in you,
and the cold hard heat
you stole from my
25 Aug 04
Rated 9.5 (8) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 10
Inactive (3): 6, 7, 8
(define the words in this poem)
(104 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
Add A Comment:
I suggest removing 'as' from l13.
I'd also put l19 as its own stanza.
Other than that, good job, great imagery.
The comparison between cold empty space and being left is really expressed interestingly here, definitely not the norm. I like the science-y aspect of this, obviously you did your research here, and reaped a very nice piece of work.
I dont understand how the first stanza fits into the poem, but its prety well written, for a mediocore poem
That last (unknown) comment is mediocre. The poem is better than that.
I like the abandoned warehouse blowing out.
You don't need "even" in line 8.
"Microwaves" should begin line 14 instead of ending 13.
You don't need "that" in line 16.
I like the repetion of cold except for line 17, I think it would be better as "the heat you stole/from my galaxy"
I like it.
i like this.
I love this. So ballsy and prepared to take a chance. love the sounds in L13
Larry is there life on Mars Lark