poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Wishing To Be Your Poetry
speech_less

I wish to be the poetry which you write,
 1
filling your mind making you restless.
 2
Till you can only visualize my body
 3
filling every notebook page with my features,
 4
Stateing  the curves of my hips in exaggeration
 5
- in an attempt to please the most stubborn.
 6
 
 
I want your writing to make love to my curves,my eyes
 7
searching each section with curiosity.
 8
 
 
I am wishing to be your poetry and I am noticing in reality you would be loving a
 9
- notebook
 10
in succession.
 11
Making love to blue lined pages filled with far too many adjectives and lacking my imperfections.
 12

comments greatly appreciated

1 Sep 04

Rated 9 (7.8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (5): 6, 7, 7, 8, 10

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Comments:

First off, before I even continue--wouldn't you mean "your poetry" (possessive)
not "You're" (contraction for You Are)???
 — aforbing

the wrong usage of you're is distracting. fix title, lines 2, 7, 9.  i don't understand line 5. line 9- and.

other than this- i like it a lot. fix it up and i'll re-read.
 — breathindeep

Ok. Lines 1-4 of this are Amazing. I was sitting here reading when the ecstasy consumed me that reading really good poetry causes.  Then line 5 Loses me..

"statting"? "my his"??? huh???

Line 6 is great.

Line 7: your not you're. You're is short for you are. Do you really want to say "I want you are writing"? lol. I think not. Sounds like no one ever taught you proper English, but to be a poet, you're going to have to learn. Remember that you're is always short for you are, and you will never again confuse contractions for words that imply ownership.

Line 9, you do it again.

TOO, not to.

I don't know if it's just because of the roadkill I ran into part way through this, but I liked the first stanza more than the last one, though I feel potential in the last.

Anyway, because I really enjoyed the well written parts and idea of this poem, I'm going to forgive your extreme ignorance in this regard. People just are not well educated at school these days. It is so sad. Just Fix it. Please...  It is amazing someone can write something so intense and mess up on these tiny things.. lol We are supposed to be critiquing the substance of the poem, not english errors! aye.. Normally a poem like this with so many english mistakes I would ignore, but I saw great potential here so I bothered.

Fix it up and I might give you a really good rating, but ugh.. I cannot rate it as it is!
 — elysium

fixed it hope u can now rate it
 — speech_less

blah blah blah blah dont feel like reading blah blah blah blah
 — unknown

Two words LOVE IT!
 — LaLa16

If you can I would love to know what you think about my poems.
 — LaLa16

I really like the last stanza and especailly the last two lines, unique perspective
 — madderhatter

i love this one.
 — divinity

i love that "in succession./ Making love to blue lined pages filled with far too many adjectives and lacking my imperfections. "
 — tragicbubble

i really like this........ its so nice....
 — sabz3003

thk u guys i really am in love with this poem my favorite of all mine
 — speech_less

beautiful, but it coudl go further and explore everything the poet you speek of, should write about like your face and your voice. this kind of sounds like a would be love letter, but a wonderfully written would be love letter. Lovely Job!
 — SweetPain

thk u comments i so greatly apprecote because i have so little time p my hands i need them to make me really lookover my poetry
 — speech_less

An unusual and charming poem. Like love from this perspective
 — larrylark

I love this even though its flawed like hell (L5 spelling) the romanticism in its impossible to resist.

Wish someone wrote something like this 4 moi
 — Caducus

  hope you don't mind me commeting like this, I have just read your poem "Wishing To Be Your Poetry" - I liked the concept a lot. I find the easiest way to comment sometimes is just to write out how I want the piece to read. Please don't think I'm being too presumptuous, it is only my personal view but hopefully you can take something positive from it.

I wish to be poetry written in ink by you
filling your mind and making you restless,
until you can visualize my body
as words across the lines of your notebook
page by page, my features expressed
my curves exaggerated by your quill
and I please the eye of even the most stubborn reader.

I want your writing to make love to my understanding,
my eyes searching each section with curiosity.

I am wishing to be your poetry, but know in reality
you would be loving only a notebook


Anyway it’s good to read a different take on a familiar subject, thanks.
Hobby
 — hobby

holy crap reading my poems after 6 years OMG!! Crazy
 — speech_less

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