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beautifuldeadrose
morningafter

There she was; beauty
 1
Lifeguard on duty, it seemed
 2
In sorrow, I drowned
 3

12 Sep 04

Rated 9 (7.7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 6, 8, 9

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Comments:

Good for a haiku, loved the bit relating the lifeguard to drowning. .:9:.
 — FangzOfFire

Almost forgot: You should change the title. Yeah. Sorry for the two posts.
 — FangzOfFire

i like the title. as three seperate words it's a long title for a haiku which makes it seem more appropriate to me that it be slurred together into one word.  I like the thought but "it seemed" seems awkward at the end of line 2. It sounds like you needed two more syllables and stuck those words at the end. I think the semi colon in line one is out of place. I think it would flow better if said like:

there she was, beauty;
lifeguard on duty [but sadly??]
in sorrow, I drowned.

disregard any of the suggestions that you dont like... I know I tend to say a lot.

over all, awesome job. This is a nice little haiku.
 — peanut

very nice.
 — stainedsteel

More than anything else, this makes me wonder why the author chose to write in haiku form. How does the form reflect the subject here? Why is this written in haiku as opposed to any other style? If there is a reason, I would love to hear it...
 — dandy

This is nice .
 — unknown

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 — unknown

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