poetry critical

online poetry workshop



soulmates
Ananke

I was going through deleting posts on my online journal and I found this. I'd completely forgotten about it, since I didn't save it anywhere. There are pieces of other poems in it, and pieces of it in other poems, though, so it must have stayed in my subconscious.



In love, we reject those who reflect
 1
ourselves back to ourselves in terms of
 2
the eclipse unseen through steel and fog
 3
at the edge of a cliff, in terms of the darkening
 4
of the laurel amidst the brighter green,
 5
or in terms of the endless procession
 6
of Bergmans and Joyces and Sorrens
 7
who take turns inspiring us.
 8
 
 
For we have given ourselves this faith,
 9
and it has become our only faith:
 10
in the dilating pulse of an edited mind
 11
in the syncopating rhythms of factories
 12
producing gaudy ties and empty eyes--
 13
among these we will find an equally horrified
 14
soul trying hard not to stand out or be found out.
 15
 
 
We will go home together, silently,
 16
and not talk until the morning, when we'll find
 17
ourselves reflecting ourselves to each other
 18
in terms of weighty eyes, and voiceless
 19
gestures, or even in terms of love too potent to be kept.
 20
Yet even there in the solitude of what we've given up,
 21
we will remind ourselves cordially what we still
 22
wait for, what we will always be waiting for.
 23

8 Dec 04

Rated 9.5 (7.8) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (12): 1, 2, 2, 3, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(42 more poems by this author)

(6 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

You know what? this is magic - lose the first strophe and you've got yourself an amazing piece of work.

-- ka
 — ka

is good.
 — noodleman

Amazing. Amazing. how this poem goes along the sceme makes me want to stand up. It makes me feel like someone is at a podium reading it aloud and proud. It is amazing, i can't explain it, it's so good. The power of the poem, it sounds like a famous poem. This will be the first poem i will give a Perfect 10.
 — infinity

twas ka that sent me by this lovely bit: don't know that i'd've found it on my own. so many thousands here.
usually i can find something to say, some small nit to pick ... but here, i find only beauty. i keep it, and thank you for sharing.
 — Bloodfetish

I'm glad ist stayed in your subconcious-it'll stay in mine. The last stanza is particularly beautiful and almost strong enough to stand as a poem on its own. Just my opinion, but I'd lose "For" in l9. l13 is awesome.
 — Catbox

yeah
 — charza

wow!!!!It´S bEaUtIfUl!!!!
 — lupita

the beginning doesn't seem to fit in, perhaps reword it/>?
 — unknown

wow.
 — thomastimm

wow is right.
 — CajunMoon

this is a beautiful piece of art.  i cant even say anything about it....i dont know what to say except its amazing.  
now if i could only write like that......
:)
 — woman_power

amazing.
 — unknown

You took your title from Hedwig and the Angry Inch- "The Origin of Love" -at least give a little footer to John Cameron Mitchel.. or change the title.
 — Cloudless

the title is a reference which is borne out in the rest of the poem. i should have thought it well enough known that i didn't need to document it. titles are taken from lyrics all the time, and the meaning therein changed - at least this stayed true to JCM's driving behind the phrase, at least i think so. i left it there to put a smile for those who recognize it. i don't generally write works cited pages for poetry.
 — Ananke

Could you write a longer poem
 — unknown

i'm pretty confused by that comment

do you want this poem to be longer?
or do you want me to write a longer poem than this
or are you saying god, can this poem be any longer?
 — Ananke

it took me a little effort for the 1st stanza, but then the 2nd and 3rd ... i can only echo the "wows" - beautiful writing :)
 — oracle

weighty concept, therefore the lines are dense but accesible to the reader;  the way this piece is written is lovely. the last three lines of the 1st stanzas really pulled me in. I also really loved lines 11-12. Be very proud, this is a wonderful poem. thank you. ;-)
 — redsky

0.485s