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Fuck You, Charlie Brown
InMyBlood

Chuck,
 1
When will you reach the breaking point? It's been years since anyone has shown you any compassion, understanding, or kindness. I've talked to the little redhead girl that you have been stalking, she says she's filed a restraining order. 500 feet, you can't even come to school anymore now. Not that I care cause when you do all you can seem to do is complain about how horrible everything is. Did you ever stop and think that's why no one ever wants to be around you? If I had to choose the saddest event that's ever happened in my life it would be agreeing to be your friend, and you know my whole family died in a car accident. I really wish you would get a new shirt. No one wears stupid yellow shirts. You look like a fucking bumblebee. Do you even wash that outfit? You wear it every God damn day. Even your dog has more friends than you. Doesn't that bother you at all? Hell, even that stupid bird your dog hangs out with has more friends. I don't even know how to put how pathetic you are into words anymore. You have constantly fallen for that football thing for the past 10 years. Do you know how sad that is? You don't even have a good excuse like being autistic. God I hate you so much. Everyone else does too. Do us all a favor and end your life, please.
 2
 
 
Sincerely,
 3
            Linus
 4
 
 
P.S. No one loves you.
 5

That bitch has been a stain on my sunday paper for way too long.

23 Jan 05

Rated 8.5 (6.7) by 4 users.
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Comments:

Garfeild needs one too.
 — InMyBlood

Well acctually no because my deceased great great aunt loved him and I loved her so, it doesnt.
 — InMyBlood

so funny.

i fucking loved reading this. great job on this one.
 — AEOS

thanks
 — InMyBlood

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 — unknown

should i read this?

i may hate you for at least five minutes if i don't like it.

but hey making up is so good.

kaleidazcope
 — unknown

This demands a follow up letter. I could read a few more of these.
 — silly

possibly a letter from chuck back to linus?
 — AEOS

yeah...it could easily be a bit of a story, told through letters...that'd be interesting maybe
-silly
 — unknown

we'll see kids.
 — InMyBlood

I admire you.
Can I own your socks?
 — FangzOfFire

this kicks ass.... but it isn't really a poem, per se. Oh well.
 — unknown

Anything is a poem. This is a very funny one.
 — Dead

TERRIBLY CLEVER. I LOVE IT!
 — stainedsteal

Indeed Charlie Brown, FUCK YOU!
 — wraze

i love charlie brown!
 — anno

   Im sry but damn Linus why the hell would u say that much of cruelty.NOw im a bitch and i know how annoying people can be but god why the hell would you tell someone to end their life just because they are a burden in your life. just fucking stay away from here. And anyway why would you write that like he would see it!! duh! anyway i thought i was bad to people!

      &nb sp;         ;        & nbsp;       &nb sp;         ;        & nbsp;       &nb sp; Shelby
 — unknown

Isn't Linus the one who dragged around that stupid blanket? Is he one to be talking?

If he isn't and that's a whoooole different person, then ignore me.
 — unknown

Love the idea, but I think it could say more by saying less, or saying it less obviously.

Then again, maybe the point is to be blunt.  It made me CHUCKle.

(I'm so punny)

root
 — root

haha
makes me laugh it does.
the yellow shirt with the black stripe has got to go,
we're the generation of cartoon sponges now.

"Not that I care cause when you do all you can seem to do is complain about how horrible everything is."  -- pardon me, but isnt this entire rant a complaint about charlie brown?  It seems as though his negativity has rubbed off on you too and its a damn shame.

are you always this cynical?
 — LucyMidnight

yea, he is. :-)
 — unknown

Pretty good, I liked it
 — unknown

Dear Linus,
Do you have the slightest clue what you just did?  You made an already emotionally unstable person collapse.  It isn't Charlie Brown's fault everyone picked on him all his life, it wasn't Charlie Brown's fault your own sister "psycoanylized" him all the time.  Peppermint Patty and I agreed when your family was in that accident that the world was better off with Lucy dead.  What an annoying creep.  She made poor Charlie Brown's life much more complicated than it had to be, with her stupid tricks and her overpriced therapy sessions.  So now, thanks to you, Linus, Charlie Brown is in a mental hospital, and the little red head girl felt so guilty about it she hung herself.  I hope you're proud, Linus.  I'll remember this next time you loose that blanket of yours.
Sincerly
Marcie
 — unknown

She hung herself with my blanket

Linus
 — InMyBlood

Very very nice.  Schultz would have never seen this coming.
 — saturated

thast not fucking charlie brown
 — unknown

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 — unknown

and you have the nerve to write a thread about not writing emo drivel...this should be a example for everyone to see of what not to do...anyone who has commented on here that they like this - shame on you.

...please stop.

......please
 — unknown

Marcie did love him.  She went down on him in 9th grade behind the tech lab.  They dated, off an on, for a year until Chuck's dad closed the barbershop and moved the family to Warner Robbins, GA.

Chuck went off to 'Bama when the time came, and adjusted very nicely, thank you.  He joined Sigma Nu, and had at least three sun dressed co-ed by February.

One of whom became pregnant.  Chuck never married, though.  He was content to be the baby daddy.  He sells motor homes.
 — poppinjay

I like it, but please don't use the autistic example. This disorder can be very seroius, and despite all the media coverage no one really knows what it is or how it works, and autisitic people are not stupid and would not fall for the stupid football prank.

But yeah, it's funney, and your right.
 — Froggy-chan

i love charlie brown and the gang.
 — unknown

Unknown you can shut the hell up, no one loves you. I thought the future story of Chuck was wonderful, probably better than the letter. Nice work.
 — InMyBlood

the most entertaining poem i've read in a while
you made me laugh
now i call you friend
you cynical son-of-a-bitch you
 — Vonnegutman

Thanks kiddo.
 — InMyBlood

I fuckin love you! You're my fucking hero, Devin!!!
 — unknown

Mr. Charles Brown's enlightened rebuttal:

Well, that's just like your opinion, man.
 — ollylama

I'm going to write to Charles at once via my butler to reassure him that your views are not a representation of the population as a whole     "CAMILLA come here IMMEDIATELY.MY underpants are starting to feel restless.

Larry from the palace gardens Lark
 — larrylark

Im sick of the dry humor personally.
 — InMyBlood

This still cracks me up... I read it a while back, posted it on an journal of mine for people to read... and now, Im lookin back.. and still laughing.
 — PureSunShine

haha. i always felt bad for charlie brown. but, your right. fuck him. favorite!
 — bear

and my favorite cartoon fuck.
 — crepaway

i love this poem.  have loved it for quite a while, actually.  (;

good jorb.  (your poems in my favorites)
 — ducktape

Poor Charlie!
 — unknown

Eh? I thought Charlie Brown was cool.
 — DeathShards

It's bad.  Bad punctuation.  Boring word choices.  Fun idea, but it needs a lot of work.
 — akiikii

i found this interesting. it was original how it was funny and then it went to where it was serious, sarcastic, and thought-provoking. it was interesting how you presented your take on such a popular child's cartoon. nice. rock on.
 — lanezfairy

i loved this poem.
 — jenakajoffer

i feel weird. this poem did that to me.

i like it.
 — DeformedLion

ah cooh.
 — Quen

wow
 — Quen

Don't make Linus out to be an asshole, because he isn't. Linus is always the one, when everyone else is 'complaining' about, and dumping on Charlie, who is really there for him. There's a reason the show is named after Charlie. He's friends with everyone. He loves everyone. He is the glue that keeps everyone together. Somebody has to live on dark side for the rest of us, and that's Charlie.
The reason Linus is the only one who consoles him, is that Linus has suffered much himself, if not more so than Charlie. Because of this suffering, Linus is a person of compassion and wisdom, not this shallow, whiny, ranting, moron you just made him out to be.
 — Empty

uh.  this is kind of lame.  linus was the hero for charlie brown.  did you ever read the comic strip?  see the movies? linus was not an asshole.  besides that though, this poem seems petty and boring.
 — unknown

i'm sylvia pojoli, reporting from... the psyche ward
 — unknown

linus before there was ever a linus.

cool.
 — jenakajoffer

Utter fucking trash. This is not a "post your shittiest prose" site.
It's not even original
 — unknown

Dear Linus,

Fuck you too!

Sincerely,

Chuck
 — unknown

i like the poem except for the ending your life part.  too much.
 — jenakajoffer

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