poetry critical

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Delirium
elysium

In dreams Etesian I reside
 1
Stained empyrean--with polychrome eyes,
 2
Lachrymose embers among summertide,
 3
In dreams Etesian I reside.
 4
Blackberry ivystung tears set-aside,
 5
Murmurous, lingering, nostalgic sighs,
 6
In dreams Etesian I reside
 7
Stained empyrean--with polychrome eyes.
 8


This was my first try at a triolet, so it's supposed to have this form and repetition of lines.. Written around 04/02

31 Jan 03

Rated 7 (8.8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (18): 3, 5, 5, 7, 7, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(14 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

okay, I need to get a dictionary and come back to this, but for now you get a respectable seven because this really reads like a respectable poem and I can respect that.
 — unknown

a seven simply because it sounds cool? ok. i like it because the form is intriguing. the words are interesting too. but i don't know if that makes it worth a seven. hmm.
 — britta

It's too short.

I'm like you, Elys, in that I love the sound of words sometimes more than the meaning. And you maximize that for this kick-ass poem. Also it perfectly encapsulates my eternal state of mind. It kind of reminds me of the mood-setting for "Gataca". I love the apparant paradox of "Stained empyrean" and the underlying truth in your writing. The overall usages of paradox make me squirm, nod, and giggle all at once. Also, kudos for making me realize just what a great form this is in and of itself. And thanks for introducing me to the word "Etesian".
 — zepplin42

I follow one simple rule when writing poetry: Never use the word "Etesian" in a poem--let alone three times. So far, it has worked for me.
 — unknown

I am sure that the conclave hardly agrees with me on this one, but there is little crime in making your audience run to the nearest dictionary. I know that most people won't, but I have that sort of optomism that says one guy will use it, and then some other guys, and then lots of people, and then everyone. It is a fantastic word, and obviously has other applications beyond the friggin' Eastern Medi. (For those of you just tuning in to tonight's broadcast, the "word" in question is "Etesian", coming from the French word "étè", meaning summer, and almost always used in reference to specific summertime sea winds.)

-zep
 — zepplin42

I just noticed this is now at #59. Considering my opinion, might any of the moment's brunching shuttlecocks want to give a crit a go?
-zep
 — zepplin42

brunching shuttlecocks?? lol
 — elysium

I enjoy this poem - it speaks to a subconscious and internal place that I'm not even sure exists... but you get that!
 — unknown

Usually reading poems that have words I don't know will annoy me, but for some reason yours is a marvelous exception. Maybe it's because the structure and the words I do know are put together well, with |3 and |5 as good examples. I love the way you use imagery so well.
 — erielle

zep, i got my dictionary out just for you. guess the glass is half full
-ColForbn
 — unknown

"Usually reading poems that have words I don't know will annoy me, but for some reason yours is a marvelous exception. "

That comment above really makes writing worthwhile. And that people are getting out dictionaries. hehe. This was just a little experiment. I need to start experimenting with structured poetry more I guess. I really never do, but I like that people are getting out dictionaries.. =) I have to see how much more I can get them to do so..

Aside from that, many times we can already have an intuitive understanding of certain words, since they all come from base parts we are familiar with anyway. We may not consciously recognize that we get the gist of the idea, but really, we kind of do.
 — elysium

It just goes to show you how powerful great poetry can be in the real physical world.
-z
 — zepplin42

after some trips to the dictionary, i gotcha! nice poem!
 — superloser

This poem kicks, and I will tell you why:
+Words that people have to look up inspire them to do it more often
+Once you understand it, everything is perfectly described in an abstract sort of way
+There are no weird line breaks, spelling or grammar errors, or awkward syllables.
Write more, I command you.
 — FangzOfFire

line 5 is GORGEOUS!!!
 — sassybnyss

weweqwe
 — unknown

is this about Delirium of the Endless?
 — Ananke

No, it's only about the delirium within my own mind. Interesting you mentioned that though. I guess everything is connected.
 — elysium

it was only the polychrome eyes that made me think so
 — Ananke

That is strange and interesting. Well, thank you for inspiring me. =) Now I will have to go and actually read the sandman story.. Someone recently sent me the comic though and one of my favorite writers is heavily influenced by it..  
 — elysium

Oohh..

"Delirium
"Older than suns, older than gods, but forever the youngest of the Endless".

Delirium is the youngest of the seven Endless siblings, characters from the Sandman series that were created by Neil Gaiman.

Once, a long time ago, she was called Delight.

Neil Gaiman
Neil Gaiman is the creator of The Sandman, the critically acclaimed comics series that ran for 75 issues from the late 80s until the mid 90s. He is also the highly successful author of several novels, childrens books and short stories like Neverwhere, American Gods, Coraline and his latest, The Wolves in the Walls.

September 2003 will see Neil return to the realm of The Sandman with the release of his new comic book Endless Nights which will feature a story about each of the Endless siblings illustrated by some of the world's top artists.

Links
Neil Gaiman Official Site
DC Comics Official Site
DC's Official Vertigo Site"

--http://fan.silentgarden.net/delirium/delir ium.html

Now I see where my friend who wrote Darqlands got his 7x7 stuff..  Neat. And I wrote this before I knew he existed.

"Time was and time will ever be." Indeed.

http://memb ers.aol.com/darqdean/

(If you read some of the e-novel, you will understand what I mean)


Now I am glad I left the title! Lol. I didn't like it at first.
 — elysium

yay for more sandman fans!

i wrote a poem inspired by delirium once.
i'm not sure where it is though. :\
 — Ananke

You should try to find it and post it on this site. That would be lovely. I haven't even read the sandman yet though or read that comic, but.. I like that kinda stuff. I've seen art from it. Beautiful. Neil Gaiman is very talented. I have to read more of him. I read a part of one book. But I don't read much these days.. 'Wolves in the Walls'.. Sounds like something H.P. would write, only on acid.. lol.

If you like Sandman so much, you really should take a look at Darqlands. I think it's one of the coolest things I've ever found on accident on the net before. And if you do that, let me know what you thought of it..
 — elysium

Beautiful words and rhythm that show that sounds are such signifiers to meaning,
well put-together.
 — opal

Thank you. Nice comment. What a great insight.

Sounds are such signifiers to meaning. Music is the universal language that expands far beyond the limitations of words.

I will have to remember to pay more attention to that. I am so image obsessed that I tend to overlook that, even though in ways my mind is wired more like a musician's mind. It's just that the images and abstract conceptions I receive tend to drown out my auditory instinct when I write to the point where I tend to ignore it.

No longer.
 — elysium

This is a definite letting I find sad and romantically almost depressed. It is like that sadness one sees in a four-legged animal's eyes. It is excellent. It would best be edited grammatically in Line 5 to: "... ivy-stung tears set aside," (hyphen-wise).
It reminds me of a Loreena McKennitt song and may require that it be set to harp or lyre. (C)
 — unknown

"This is a definite letting I find sad and romantically almost depressed. It is like that sadness one sees in a four-legged animal's eyes."

yes. like a wild animal trapped by the human world. this still hurts to share. i guess because i was in a lot of pain when i wrote it. it isn't supposed to be sad though.
 — elysium

this is just amazing. the words flow and fit together so beautifuly, its like reading a lyrical waterfall. if that makes any sense. this is awesome, i really enjoyed reading this. wonderful!
 — SweetPain

Yeah, I've seen the Belly of The Beast.
 — devilsbelboy

Go to Hell, devilsbelboy. I am so very tired of you harrassing and stalking me. Thank god I think you left here! Please stay gone.
 — elysium

I thought I was the only one with a poemstalker

that is why I post as unknown
 — unknown

Very good
 — batonball

Why are you so cruel Dawn?
 — devilsbelboy

"Why are you so cruel Dawn?"

Because destruction is the other side of creation?
 — unknown

Great triolet. I wrote one recently too. I'm impressed with this piece. Triolet's have a nostalgic feel to them...or at least to me they do. If done well like this anyway. 10/10
 — Henry

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 — unknown

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