gave her a smile
gave me a light
in our darkness she ate
all the words i could write
we sit on this tone
beachwind at night
and hum like cold stars
just as quiet and white
i know you
it's todo azul in brasil tonight
25 Mar 05
Rated 10 (9.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10, 10
Inactive (5): 7, 9, 9, 9
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In Brazil, "todo azul" = "all blue", and that's good.
It's very pretty and simple, yet extremely effective.
"hum like cold stars" is a lovely line.
i like line 5.
the tone of blue laughter is good
this has some of that
it would be a good song, huh?
the chorus is really standing out.
i just need one more stanza.
there is one comma in the poem...get rid of it. otherwise, good work. really liked the beachwind. very nice, cool, and happy.
ok. now... what about the apostrophe?
Random catch. Adorable. A subtle de-light.
Lovely and lilting. - violet
yes you should also dump the apostrophe thereby implying ownership of the
as well as the quality of being
wow. exactly what i said to myself. 'wow'. when i saw it was you.
i've seen it
brazil in his
design & code copyright donald tetto
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