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todo azul

gave her a smile
gave me a light
in our darkness she ate
all the words i could write
we sit on this tone
beachwind at night
and hum like cold stars
just as quiet and white
you know
i know you
it's todo azul in brasil tonight

25 Mar 05

Rated 10 (9.3) by 1 users.
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In Brazil, "todo azul" = "all blue", and that's good.
 — gnormal

It's very pretty and simple, yet extremely effective.  

"hum like cold stars" is a lovely line.
 — raeka

i like line 5.

the tone of blue laughter is good
this has some of that
 — kaleidazcope

it would be a good song, huh?
the chorus is really standing out.
i just need one more stanza.
 — unknown

there is one comma in the poem...get rid of it.  otherwise, good work.  really liked the beachwind.  very nice, cool, and happy.
 — lillas

ok.  now... what about the apostrophe?
 — unknown

Random catch. Adorable. A subtle de-light.
 — borntodance

Lovely and lilting.  - violet
 — unknown

yes you should also dump the apostrophe thereby implying ownership of the
"all blue"
as well as the quality of being
good poem.
 — unknown

nice poem.
 — hank

wow. exactly what i said to myself. 'wow'. when i saw it was you.
 — hank

old too.
 — hank

this wasn't


like it
now that
i've seen it

: )
 — fractalcore

and who

wouldn't need

brazil in his


: )
 — fractalcore