poetry critical

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theoretically me

When asked what he was,
the Buddha replied "I am awake."

I woke up this morning
with a searing headache.
Ganesh watched me moan
and dress from his perch
on my bookshelf.
He watched me take pain meds
and down my coffee.
All night, he watched me sleep;
his cold iron face probably
never moved.
In physics today, I explained
to my professor in his physics terms
  G times EM into I
is theoretically nothing
       theoretically me.
I sat in the massaging
pedicure throne this afternoon.
I was disgusted by the Vietnamese
woman massaging my calf.
She kept pressing her breasts
against my oiled theoretical toes.
I tried to stare out the window
to avoid the visual perception of it
but Buddha was there.
On the counter, staring out the window
at the porn shop across the street.
His face was a solid painted gold
with a witty smile.
I just sat back in my throne
wondering if Ganesh smirks like that
when I masturbate.

11 May 05

Rated 8.5 (8.4) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 10
Inactive (12): 5, 6, 7, 7, 7, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

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fantastic write.

just good. and hot. and sad.
 — noodleman

theoretically vietnamese woman maybe?
 — noodleman

My name is Gemini. Vietnuthin.
I am That egocentric. Or at least the poem is... ;)
 — thirdeyris

lol. no. i mean

I was disgusted by the  Vietnamese  21

woman massaging my calf.  22

:) though tthat might complete the trifecta.
 — unknown

gotcha. thanks..
but my name really is gemini, so i was making refrence that my name in physical terms is deduced to 2 theories(G gravity) and (electro magnetism EM)  in an imaginary unit (I)
which in turn is theoretically no-thing.

I know what you mean by the woman being theoretical, but I was circulating the words.

still think it should be for the woman too?
 — thirdeyris

porn on line 30?

otherwise, i missed this one.  while i enjoyed the reading, it made me smile, i didnt think the message was explicit enough, or rather it wasn't implicitly sublime.  it was like you fell in love with your words and process?  Nice imagery though.
 — aeturnus

26 i'm not sure at least is needed

and maybe have a but to start  28 rather than though.

the language just seems a little contrived in those two lines, it interrupts flow for me.

30 porn!?

nice poem
 — kaleidazcope

you have managed to work Ganesh and the Buddha into a single work
and make it work.
theoretically, of course.
i like the touch of irony in the last stanza.
the fourth stanza particularly strong for me.
 — Bloodfetish

the title sounds familiar, i don't know where i've heard it before though.  in l6, what tense is moan supposed to be in?  it doesn't make sense in the present.  i like l11 with the probably.  that was great. l30 has a typo.  i don't know what porm is, but it sounds hot.
 — sassybnyss

porn is fixed,
"but" is better,

Bloodfetish- I'm  a theology/philosophy major. It's my life to bring buddha and ganesha and christ and such into the same light. Hopefully, I'll do it more often in poetic terms.

Sass- moan is referring to the headache.
Think "moan" should be Before "dress"?
 — thirdeyris

i have been outsmarted! so, no. she cannot be theoretical. :D


 — unknown

Indeed moan should be before dress because I almost left a comment telling you to put moan in the past tense.  I thought Ganesh was moaning.
 — Cloudless

Little problem with line27.  Would it not be better to make lines 27 - 31 all one thought instead of broken by periods?  
 — Isabelle5

 — themolly

(if only to demonstrate
theories and other such

 — midare

definitely. this poem is the shiznit.
 — noodleman

noodleman, I always adore your comments.
email me.
 — thirdeyris

Did we know the last line was coming?Creepy poem
 — larrylark

i like the flow.  second to last stanza brings it together.  i can almost see the Buddha in focus, across the street blurred out of focus by rain.
 — unknown

What a piece!-awesome work.
 — crepaway

Every time, gem, every time, this rocks my socks off (theoretically, since I don't wear socks (sorry, couldn't help it)).
 — Maela

You know this poem has some strong potential....the fourth stanza is great...there is a good voice here.....but you throw that all away trying to make a joke at the end....it doenst work...

you have some original thought here, then you then you just cut the cable that is pulling the poem up....i could feel it rise.....but no, like everyone else on the site, you had to make it sexual. not that everything isn't, but most people cant write about it as well as john donne or sharon olds.   Please make this poem what it could be.
 — joshcoops

this rocks!

in theory and otherwise.
: )
 — fractalcore