poetry critical

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wednesday
midare

wednesday, i
 1
watched
 2
a girl
 3
dancing.
 4
 
 
thursday, i
 5
remembered
 6
a girl
 7
laughing.
 8
 
 
yesterday, i
 9
kissed
 10
a girl
 11
goodnight.
 12
 
 
today, i
 13
watched
 14
a girl
 15
die.
 16
 
 
tomorrow, i'll
 17
bury
 18
a friend
 19
early.
 20

27 May 05

Rated 5.5 (8.4) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 9
Inactive (14): 4, 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(77 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

I like everything here except for the lack of punctuation and capitalization and the spacing between the letters of the last line of each stanza.
 — FangzOfFire

Yeah, thanks for commenting on that.  I was curious as to how that would come over.  I guess they were supposed to be for artistic effect, but hell --
who actually knows what that is, anyway? ;)
 — midare

i quite like the style and the content itself is good to read. i think splitting it up like that eradicates the need for punctuation and i think the spacing of the last word is a nice way to emphasize the meaning.
 — random_tim

ou la la pretty
 — unknown

Wonderful.
 — unknown

Thanks for the support on my opinions of "Locked Away".
I'm still enjoying this, but if you took those damn spaces out, it would be better. I think having the word as a solo line is enough impact, you know? =)
 — FangzOfFire

Edited, as per popular request.
 — midare

It's sad. Not sure what else to say--but this made me sad.
-wendz
 — unknown

(I'm not too sure if this is how I want to respond) -- I'm glad (but not glad) that it made you sad, wendz.  You really would be sad if you knew the background behind the poem.
 — midare

wow really good poem and thx for commenting on my song uhh i have enother called pearl id be gratefull if you look at that also
 — unknown

by the way the comment above was DLBanksawm12 the one who wrote turn back time thx again
 — DLBanksAWM12

So Sorry
 — larrylark

midare, I can guess at what inspired this. Do you think that you could write another poem about the way you felt, or what happened, or how you were inspired to write this? I'd love to read another one.
-wendz
 — unknown

one day and eight hours until i can post again.  thanks for giving me a bit of inspiration to write this down, wendz.  i think i really needed it.  take 'inhale' as part one of two.
 — midare

this is stunning and sad. im sorry.

well done.
 — noodleman

awfully sad.
 — themolly

This made me feel like I was watching a video on fast forward.  Sad and absolutely devoid of un-necessary emotion.
 — Isabelle5

yeah.. i get the feeling that this *is* like a videotape. it plays back over and over and over in my head.
 — midare

wo. Thsi is absolutely fabulous.  No comments.
 — Riverwriter2

very sad and stunning.
i love it.
 — pup

i love the random jump into poetry from the front of the site -- especially when i find gems such as this one.
 — Bloodfetish

You know, the first stanza is completely awesome and the rest are completely lame. Really. Scrap the whole thing and start over again at like 5. I don't know whether this poem is a true story or anysuch, but I think you can go better places than where it ended up, even if you really do want to pay tribute to a dead friend.
 — unknown

Reads like a swift punch.
But does not linger, from a lack of mystique.
 — aurelius

I love it - I really love how you broke it up. People don't realize how much that can help your poem - I mean line breaks, puncuation, spacing - that is like over half of your poem right there..

very powerful.
 — papermoon

Ah. This left me with goosebumps. I miss your wednesday poems.
 — wendz

brillant
 — gjenkins

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