poetry critical

online poetry workshop

a poets world

It is a poets world
when even a falling
leaf can spiral
into your
and meter
then change
someones life

22 Jun 05

Rated 9 (7.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (7): 4, 6, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

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hey, this is neat.  i love the structure.
 — midare

ps. l1 should be poet's*
ditto for the title.
l11 'then' could be 'and'?
it seems to stagnate
the way it is now.

i really like the structure.
keep up the good work.
and please
post again.
 — midare

hey!  YOU wrote this one??  i didn't know that!  i just read it, without knowing the poet, and thought, "hm, i really like this one", and decided to come back to comment on it later.  then i went to check out your poems and this was on there!
it's not that i'm surprised that YOU did this, i just didn't know that it was written by someone i know on here (aka I’m not insulting your talent).  but i like it.  a lot.  i love how your words have that spiraling down effect as you're describing the leaf spiraling down...very nice.  I also think that this is a very appropriate length for this poem.  and I like how you start to change it up at lines 9 and 10 where you mention the metaphor and meter.
however, I think that maybe you should experiment with putting “of” from line 8 with “metaphor” on line 9.  cuz when I was reading it, I got the feeling that the whole spiraling down thing should end after “lap”, like the leaf has landed, ya know?  also, if you want to be grammatically correct (yes, here comes the grammar freak again), the title and line 1 should be “poet’s”.  but maybe you didn’t want any punctuation in the whole poem.  I don’t know.

I like this…very pleasant, good job.
 — woman_power

interesting take on poets...nice poem.
 — coldromantic

i like your poem but was a little dissatisfied with the nestling lap
 — bettalpha

thanks midaire for your suggestions

women power
thanksf ro that lovely long comment

glad you enjoyed

im not trying to negatively respond to your comment this is a genuine question
what disssatsified you about the nestling lap

 — JFThompson

Its pretty catchy!
 — marchhare

Really beautifully done ,lovely rythmn as they say in jazz
 — larrylark

thanks march and larry much appreciated.

 — JFThompson

where's the apostrophe?
 — unknown

i like
 — chiq

In line one, I would suggest "it's" instead of "It is".  Easier to read.  Also, in line 11, perhaps and instead of then?  

And a period at the end.  :-)

Very, very nice.
 — eyesParadox

As brief (and good) as this already is, it could say just as much with less.  
This is good tanka material.
 — housepoppy

well put. interesting structure, very apropriate.
 — nomad-haiku

i love it. it took me a few reads to understand, but i really like it.
 — topop

 — unknown

but this isnt a poets world now is it? this is the real world where poetry is impotent to history. john miltons life was a mere waste of flesh and brilliance. he was useless much like this poem of a retards day dream.
 — TheO1dCrow