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the complexities of saying 'goodbye'
midare

"hey,
 1
i'm sorry that i
 2
couldn't make it today."
 3
said a boy
 4
between fingers
 5
jammed into pockets.
 6
 
 
"that's alright, i
 7
saw you yesterday."
 8
smiled a morning girl,
 9
flashing blond hair
 10
then brown eyes.
 11
 
 
"you were graduating,
 12
and i --"
 13
he spluttered
 14
unsurely.
 15
 
 
"--it's okay,
 16
we'll see each other again
 17
someday."
 18
she finished
 19
salubriously  --
 20
the right words
 21
never really neccessary.
 22
 
 
"well, maybe --
 23
i'm not planning on
 24
staying --"
 25
murmured the youth,
 26
suddenly finding a
 27
cracked sidewalk
 28
to be more interesting.
 29
 
 
"--out of town?
 30
you wouldn't do anything."
 31
she shimmered, glistened,
 32
drew color and splattered
 33
paint, while her smile
 34
never changed.
 35
 
 
"i've just been thinking
 36
that i should say
 37
goodbye."
 38
began the boy, imagining
 39
the black-and-white beginnings
 40
of television, and this
 41
feature film.
 42
 
 
"i can tell you why --
 43
you never said 'hello'."
 44
she laughed.
 45
 
 
"i'm sorry --
 46
i have to go."
 47
he faded, hoping to
 48
make a dramatic exit.
 49
 
 
"okay,
 50
make sure you watch the
 51
snowflakes on Chesapeake Bay."
 52
dreamed the girl,
 53
as she
 54
turned away.
 55
 
 
____________
 56

the first few lines are
pretty much verbatim
from a conversation
that a friend and i
shared yesterday.

27 Jun 05

Rated 9 (8.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (10): 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(77 more poems by this author)

(5 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

i like the beginning, not sure about the ending
 — tragicbubble

anything in particular about the ending?
 — midare

Whereas, for me, the ending was the best part of the poem.
The last stanza is simply amazing.
 — claudia

My 16 year-old daughter was very emotional when this year's seniors graduated and friends moved away to college. I'd never seen her that moved to tears by someone saying goodbye like that. This relates. Well done!
 — wamblicante

PS - I copied it for her, thanks!
 — wamblicante

aw.. thanks, claudia and wamblicante. i hope your daughter enjoys it.
 — midare

anyone else with commentary?
 — midare

common people. :0
 — midare

I enjoyed this. We all know why.
 — Rhein

i liked this...like claudia, the best part was the end. l48, 49: great use of the word "faded." nice work.
-Catbox
 — unknown

thanks, rhein and catbox.
(though i'm not too sure why you liked it.)
grin.
 — midare

You have captured the impression of a transient moment. Very well observed .
 — larrylark

thanks to larry 'i am awesome' lark.
grin.
 — midare

aw.. this is .. teenagers and.. dreamers and.. I love it
 — Cloudless

mm.. teenagers and dreamers. that's a good way to put it. thanks, cloudless.
 — midare

It seems like this is too much of a "he said" "she said" piece. For example, "he spluttered", "salubriously", "murmured", "began", "she laughed"--which isn't necessarily a bad thing, if that's what you're aiming for, but you've the talent to take this away from mere dialogue into a story.

Not sure if you want to do more to this, but you could. What I do like is the story that we don't know, the story behind their words and awkwardness (on the boy's behalf) that we aren't told of or about. Not bad, but you really could make it spectacular.
 — wendz

I like this a lot...the reasoning behind my feelings are complex.  One reason is that I have been that guy that has had to say goodbye to a number of great friends this year, and I felt like this with a couple girls that I always liked as friends, but never had the courage to take it to being close friends with them.  Another, I like the way that you seem to capture the guys embarassment without every stating he WAS embarassed.  Also, I LOVE the way you make the girl stay unfazed throughout the poem.  I was a bit confused by the last stanza, but I dont have much imagination, and am having a hard time bending my mind around that.  Anyways, you have some major skills, please keep writing Midare.
 — SaleenDriva

when i can get my head together, i'll attempt to fix it up, wendz.

saleen, you and i would probably get along pretty well. *grin*
 — midare

I like it.  Too many words though.
 — megabyte

right -- too many words for simply saying 'goodbye'.
 — midare

BOTTTTTTTTTTFIULL FUCKING BRILLIANT FUCKING GRETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
 — unknown

This came up as my "random" poem when I checked in, and I think I'll make it a fav now.  Still really like it!!
 — SaleenDriva

I'm having the same difficulty with a friend of mine. Well, I like her, she doesn't like me in that way. She thinks I'm over her. I did too.
Well.
I liked it. Added to my favorites.
 — monarch

It captures the moment well.  Very well, indeed.  Awkward goodbyes are the hardest.
A great poem.
 — fallinforyou

NOT POETRY.

JUST A SHORT STORY.

THAT IS ALL FOR TONIGHT

THE CAPS IS LOCKING

AND YOU SHOULD

PROBABLY

STOP

READING.

BUT THE
CAPS

IS

STILL

L
O
C
K
I
N
G
.

Still Locking?

PASTING

THEDANCELOCKING
 — pra3torian

i love it and think it's bloody brilliant
 — unknown

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