poetry critical

online poetry workshop



(FOTO FRIDAY 24) Painted black
unknown

I can make you beautiful
 1
- she said
 2
 
 
I can make you beautiful
 3
- she fucking said
 4
 
 
I can make you fucking beautiful
 5
- she fucking said
 6
 
 
I can fucking make you fucking beautiful
 7
- she fucking said
 8
 
 
 
 
and then she takes her fucking crayons and fucking fucks off
 9
so fucking happy leaving me fucking sitting fucking here
 10
in front of fuck knows fucking what.
 11


http://www.flickr.com/photos/eshepard/21952826/

16 Jul 05

Rated 7 (5.8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7
Inactive (7): 2, 2, 3, 7, 8, 8, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

This is really, really bad. The kid in the picture obviously has downs syndrom or something related to that; do you honestly think that he'd be saying "fuck", what 13 times? The boy in the picture doesn't look as damn angry as you're making him seem, analyze the picture a little better before you start to write a crap poem about it.
 — MissMay

I won't say it's bad. I just don't like it. Beacause it isn't clear what you were trying to say.
 — Ewan

Hahahahaha....now this is fucking good.....wish I had ouy fucking talent........lol!!

Fuckadoodles!!

Love Tinka
 — skippy

was this supposed to be a comic poem?
 — JFThompson

My laughter and comment was aimed to the poem definitely not the picture...therefore my apologies to the person on the picture. But the poem?? Oh boy I am still fucking laughing my fucking fat ass off....this was way toooo funny because I could imagine this frustrated artist trying ti fix one fucked up piece with his crayons...so typical ME in action in the morning trying to look Fucking beautiful....but without much luck.  So hold your horses and piss me of for being a fucking clown with a sense of humor even for the ugly ducklings of the world!!

Love and harmony Tinka
 — skippy

Skippy needs ritalin.
 — MissMay

Hehehehe Hi MssMay!!

What is " ritalin" not on medication much so I would not know....or is that a sweetie?

Loveee Tinka
 — skippy

Downs syndrome kids have feeling like everyone else. They are probably also quite capable of thinking 'fuck' at least thirteen times in as many seconds. To me the kid looks to be in deep despair about something/someone.  A butterfly brained do-gooder does not seem out of the question.

Thanks for your fucking comments.
 — unknown

and furthermore

;)
 — unknown

Wow.

This is amazing.
 — megabyte

I liked it. Especially after seeing the photo
 — CantTell

a bit obvious.
 — opal

It makes me angry like the person in the picture might feel. I wonder if he's looking at himself in the mirror...? And of course a person with downs syndrom can say fuck 13 times. That was kind of an ignorant comment from someone who is trying so hard not to be.
 — CantTell

I'm not sure if your comment is aimed at me ct - but to amplify a bit, the reason I feel its a bit obvious, is because it seems to imply that the person with Down's syndrome is taken in by the person with the paints (though one interpretation of the image might imply that) - it is equally possible to infer that the person in the picture has painted him or herself; secondly it's also rather obvious to imply that the person in the picture would conform to an inarticulate stereotype who uses the word 'fuck' over and over to express their frustration - on the one hand why not, but on the other hand why not? I have no doubt the poet thought themselves terribly cutting edge and controversial, but to me their interpretation is just too ... obvious.
 — opal

second part of question should read 'why? - and not  'why not?'
 — opal

- or very good, it certainly doesn't resonate with the picture and it can't stand alone without the picture. Big failure from our unknown Foto Friday poet this week sadly.
 — unknown

Cheers, folks.  You got me thinking, but I still feel pretty ok about this.
 — unknown

indelible ink would have been better :-)
 — unknown

no it wasn't, opal.
CT
 — unknown

I don't like your choice of words. Couldn't you use words besides the one that you are constantly using? Sorry.
 — mistyseas

I refuse to change the words but I'm quite happy for you to hate this.
 — unknown

i rather like it.

so there.

fuck.
 — noodleman

at first i really loved the idea... but it got overdone really fast.
 — Dom

Were you able to see the picture?
 — unknown

not sure i like this poem - in fact i really dont like this poem.
very angry except i dont know why?!?
make it clear and stop saying fuck!!
 — Rousseau

Were you able to see the picture?
 — unknown

no- wasnt
 — unknown

Can't understand how folks can comment without seeing the pic.
 — unknown

This is really, really bad. The kid in the picture obviously has downs syndrom or something related to that; do you honestly think that he'd be saying "fuck", what 13 times? The boy in the picture doesn't look as damn angry as you're making him seem, analyze the picture a little better before you start to write a crap poem about it.
– MissMay

um. The poem is thought provoking and I kind of liked it.
 — Kauf

It could have been softer perhaps.
 — Kauf

I'm happy for people to hate this poem, but not based on a description of the picture by someone who hates this poem.
 — unknown

I am capable of independent thought.
 — Meep

Oh yes, because adding explatives to something really makes it interesting. It makes it "alternative".  And using the same explative a thousand times really is creative.  what is this guy, six years old?
  
 — unknown

Have fixed the picture link.
 — unknown

I liked it. Theres so much complexity in your subject matter. The idea that the kid with downs isn't already beautiful, that the woman could "fix him". Thats a lovely character image, really grating. And just reading the comments here shows that people aren't really sure what to do with downs, aren't sure how to deal with it. I like your simplicity compared to that, the sheer anger. It juxtaposes really well with the brightness of the photo.

Well done, this poem kicks ass.
 — unknown

lol.
 — Meep

liked the poem, but it didn't seem to fit with the picture that well.
 — inutile

fuxk fuxk fuxk kkkking uf
 — unknown

I like it but I can't see the photo, it's probably gone now :(
 — Ananke

Ta for comments.
 — unknown

lol.

fuckin' a.
 — SarahMichele

A cute fucking joke about hiding.
 — turboswami

horrible.
 — Anachocolata

fucking horrible?
 — unknown

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 — yaoxuemei

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