Beyond my control-
My arms trying to reach you
But falling too short
I tried a haiku, didn't work so well, but i'll leave it here. comments would be appreciated
29 Jul 05
Rated 9 (7.7) by 2 users.
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hmmmm. i'll come back to see if i like it more later. no rating yet.
i'll be waiting.
I like it. It's not a typical haiku but the meaning is clear and the form is spot on.
i live it. not about nature, as japanese tradition, but good nonetheless
thanks for the comments.
oh, by the way, i meant "i love it", not "i live it". lol. or maybe i meant "i like it". i can't remember ;)
haha thanks lia.
Memorable, but the language is kind of boring. Good metaphor, though.
thanks hear, it was an expirement i tried. It didn't go over so well though.
who are you? i want to see more poems!
lol sorry all my poems are hidden, but here you go
yay! hey, i like that other one by you, too, the one on the top rated. is good. this good, too.
it is nice. i like the short form of haiku, and traditions asside... this sorta works.
Have you ever tried tieing big bags of potatoes round your ankles and then hanging by your finger tips from a lamp shade? Nice haiku
lol..thank you larry
good form. im a haiku fan.
hehehe thanks. you seem to be running into my poetry today
I like this the syllable count is perfect but I would probably class it as a senyru not haiku. Lovely nonetheless.
thanks marief. but i never understood what a senryu was
To be honest I am still working it out myself; from what I've been told haiku is to do with the beauty of nature and senyru has the same syllable count but is more about human traits which is why I would class this as senyru. However I may be wrong so don't change it to senyru until you know for certain.
this isn't a haiku. aren't haiku's supposed to be about nature? try making the comparison that the hands are like trees or something along those lines.
Haiku seems best for natural phenomena. This is tragic and hard to read. C