poetry critical

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Within Reach

Beyond my control-
My arms trying to reach you
But falling too short

I tried a haiku, didn't work so well, but i'll leave it here. comments would be appreciated

29 Jul 05

Rated 9 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8
Inactive (6): 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 10

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(23 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

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hmmmm.  i'll come back to see if i like it more later.  no rating yet.
 — unknown

i'll be waiting.
 — unknown

I like it.  It's not a typical haiku but the meaning is clear and the form is spot on.
 — Isabelle5

i live it. not about nature, as japanese tradition, but good nonetheless
 — Lia

thanks for the comments.
 — unknown

oh, by the way, i meant "i love it", not "i live it". lol. or maybe i meant "i like it". i can't remember ;)
 — Lia

haha thanks lia.
 — unknown

Memorable, but the language is kind of boring. Good metaphor, though.
 — Hear

thanks hear, it was an expirement i tried. It didn't go over so well though.
 — unknown

who are you? i want to see more poems!
 — Lia

lol sorry all my poems are hidden, but here you go
 — Gabriella

yay! hey, i like that other one by you, too, the one on the top rated. is good. this good, too.
 — Lia

thanks Lia.
 — Gabriella

it is nice.  i like the short form of haiku, and traditions asside...  this sorta works.
 — scottrs

 — Gabriella

Have you ever tried tieing big bags of potatoes round your ankles and then hanging by your finger tips from a lamp shade? Nice haiku
 — larrylark

lol..thank you larry
 — Gabriella

good form. im a haiku fan.
 — keving

hehehe thanks. you seem to be running into my poetry today
 — Gabriella

I like this the syllable count is perfect but I would probably class it as a senyru not haiku. Lovely nonetheless.
 — marieF

thanks marief. but i never understood what a senryu was
 — Gabriella

To be honest I am still working it out myself; from what I've been told haiku is to do with the beauty of nature and senyru has the same syllable count but is more about human traits which is why I would class this as senyru. However I may be wrong so don't change it to senyru until you know for certain.
 — marieF

this isn't a haiku. aren't haiku's supposed to be about nature? try making the comparison that the hands are like trees or something along those lines.
 — Lilac

Haiku seems best for natural phenomena. This is tragic and hard to read. C
 — unknown

very nice.
: )
 — fractalcore