poetry critical

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one true love

whisper my name so soft and low
love songs play on the radio
shadows dance and warm breezes blow
this is a night made for love
lay soft caresses on my skin
love me so sweetly, then love me again
and i pray, there'll be no end
to this night made for love
there's no reason to be lonely
if you have a one and only
love affair
someone who cares
just for you
raindrops dancin' on the water
honeysuckle smells, cryin' whiporwills
singin' for you, and me alone
on our magic night of love
moonlight dripping from a starry sky
makes me realize, you're the only one for me
and you'll always be
my love

1 Aug 05

Rated 7 (7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7
Inactive (1): 7

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(29 more poems by this author)

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Sappy; nothing more than a raw reflection; if that's good enough for you, then the poem is fine.
 — Hear

hear, of course it's a raw reflection, that's what it was meant to be. if writing a love poem to your wife is sappy, then so be it. maybe some day you'll understand
 — coodaygraw

Then I guess the poem is fine.
 — Hear

Great song lyric
 — larrylark

aw, this is sweet (1st reaction) ... but then considering it is written for your love of 45 years: this is profound.  thanks.
 — asklepios

beautiful. I was enjoying the sentiment..and then as I read the part about the honeysuckles smell, it suddenly became more! and I could imagine the sitting with the one I love under a huneysuckle woth the raindrops dripping down from the leaves even and "dancing" on the water..oh there is little more beautiful than this feeling of deep pleasurable love! Pay no head to love skeptics. It doesn't have to be a tricky poem it just has to be real or magical for someone to make it worth while
 — Riverwriter2

I read and write based on one loose criteria - never to mention by word what it is I am writing about. Very rarely can a writer word the main theme or issue into a piece of poetry and expect to pull it off; I see that "love" is written no less than eight times here - eight times too many for my tastes. Fourteen to sixteen are good, the rest descends into too much sentimentality. I agree for the most with Hear's comments - fine for something written for someone, but this wouldn't stand a thorough critique.
 — wendz

I feel like the poem ended after the first two stanzas, they set up a good pattern and the third stanza comes in and it never seems to come back again. in quite the same way.

And yes, it is sappy, I more or less agree with wendz, that love is a word that can be touching and beautiful anywhere, but poetry. The whole point of poetry is to transcend words.

However, i do like the thought of a night made for love. So, consider leaving love #2 and #8 see what you can do about the rest, a "night made for us" can be just as sweet.
 — katt