poetry critical

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I thought we were a world away
But it was only a word
And even that could not separate us
And even flesh will someday be broken down
after our last murmurs have circled the earth.....
For now, it is the stillness between breathes-that is the movement of our love
our cheeks rosey with it's warm vibration
And as we lie close to our pillows- skin against cotton
Tongues against teeth, eyes against the darkness of lids
I am mindful of it
That there is no separation
And that is why when you sing and I talk
We are both still listening
I have loved my piece of sky because of its infinity
And it is you and I

My other user names are Riverwriter and RuiHanShi; this is due to password problems

6 Aug 05

Rated 7 (8.2) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (6): 1, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(11 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha



This is SUPER.  Well done
 — themolly

Thank you!  Ihave been waiting for someone to comment / critique my poems for days.  I also write under Riverwriter and RuiHanShi. I would really appreciate a comment or two on some of my pther stuff. I am new to the site.
 — Riverwriter2

PS the funny thing is that the only part added after is " even after our last mermers have cirled the earth"
 — Riverwriter2

You have to learn to spell.  We're big on spelling and grammar.  Another very lyrical lovely poem which I shall come back to.  You have good bones, just need to learn how to pad it nicely.  
 — Isabelle5

Woops I didn't realize I spelled murmur that way! But thank you for the compliment.  As far as bare bones goes ...It was meant to be as simple as possible. I am not sure what you mean by pad it nicely, do you have any particular suggestions Isabelle5??
 — Riverwriter2

You write very well, I hope you resolve your password problems.
 — Meep

Thank you Meep!  I appreciate that very much. With regards tot he password, Yeh me too.  I haven't had too much of a proble this week and have been able to stick with Riverwriter2. Will you plese read my poem waiting for the night to hold you?? I realize it is long, but I would really appreciate some feedback.
 — Riverwriter2

Good work!

Do you speak another language as a native?

 — cynthmala

Riverwriter, I tried looking for your poem but I can't seem to find it. What name is it posted under?
 — Meep

River writer, your poem?!, are you still here?
 — Meep

Nice poem, lyrical flow, good imagery.
 — larrylark

HELLLLLLLLLLISHLYYYYYYYYYYYY AEOSMOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 — unknown

Meep, thnak you for taking the time to look for my poem, it is under the user name: RuiHanShi.
, it is called "Waiting for the night to hold you"
 — Riverwriter2

cythmala.  Thank you. I don't speak any other language fluently, however I have learned a few things on Arabic.  Where I live in Vancouver, BC, Canada, most people speak more than one language.
 — Riverwriter2

larrylark, glad you liked this one better.thanx.
unknown thank you too
 — Riverwriter2

I really enjoyed the beginning. it was really there.
the ending is nice too.
 — misterpoet

thank you .unknown! and than you too mister poet!
 — Riverwriter2

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