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Two Fish
mrkhoo

you said:
 1
"i like to read horoscopes."
 2
so why, in mitzer's name, didn't you
 3
figure me out.
 4
 
 
i'm hopelessly outmoded-
 5
an unwieldly parcel,
 6
extinct, i am a dinosaur past his prime.
 7
i don't belong here-
 8
 
 
or at least not next to you.
 9
 
 
better-bitter yet
 10
the stars of my Mesozoic ancestors.
 11
 
 
but i say:
 12
"We make up the Pisces sign."
 13
you and i,
 14
We belong Together.
 15

7 Aug 05

Rated 8 (8.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (3): 7, 9, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(21 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

5-8 all say the same thing. This could be much shorter. Why are the i's lowercase and the w capped?
 — junky

Like the idea of this, and the end stanza, but I think this would be stronger if you shortened it down. It would read really well as a short, simple poem.
Nice idea though.
 — unknown

I liked the capitalization of the "w" and the lower case "i"s, but I'm pretty sure I'm putting an importance on that fact that isn't there.

"i" am not as important as "We" are together? Yeah, I'm a sap.

On L5-8, I suggest removing 7 completely, and adding "and" at the end of L6. Also, L9 confused me. Do you mean you DO belong next to them, or you don't? Because if you're saying the latter, I suggest "not" before "next."
 — Cinder

Like any poem with horoscopes in .Cleverly put together
 — larrylark

"i" am not as important as "We" are together? Yeah, I'm a sap.

so true. junky, here's your answer.

i was thinking bout adding the not.
 — mrkhoo

i like your poem. i like your poems.
 — bettalpha

I hope this isn't about me, I like it.
 — Meep

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