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7 mile loop
fdostoev

I am stopped
 1
mid stride on
 2
this evening
 3
run
 4
 
 
because
 5
 
 
I will never be there
 6
again
 7
 
 
in the woman's dorm on the
 8
Iowa Wesleyan campus
 9
 
 
tiptoeing in towels for a
 10
morning shower
 11
 
 
laughing hysterically
 12
as I spied a peek at
 13
you through the
 14
dividing curtain,
 15
 
 
brushing your teeth.
 16
 
 
And here
 17
on
 18
this
 19
cement
 20
in
 21
my Asics,
 22
 
 
multiple
 23
meaningless
 24
one
 25
night
 26
stands
 27
 
 
trips to jail
 28
 
 
away,
 29
 
 
here on these
 30
legs
 31
 
 
that rode us
 32
together
 33
 
 
on the tandem
 34
 
 
hours at a time
 35
through Geode park
 36
 
 
now,
 37
 
 
shaking with the
 38
adrenaline of
 39
your absence,
 40
 
 
left to
 41
 
 
find someone else
 42
to play scrabble
 43
 
 
discuss Dostoevsky
 44
 
 
sit in comfortable silence
 45
 
 
I don't
 46
even know the
 47
words to this
 48
song
 49
 
 
blaring through
 50
my Sony headphones
 51
 
 
that has
 52
attached itself
 53
to you,
 54
 
 
causing me to
 55
walk hands on
 56
hips
 57
 
 
sunglassed eyes
 58
pooled with a
 59
different sweat - -
 60
 
 
and she,
 61
 
 
this new woman
 62
 
 
this blond woman
 63
with a PhD in physics
 64
 
 
and a dog
 65
 
 
and tears at the movies
 66
 
 
and secret smiles for me
 67
 
 
she
 68
 
 
wants
 69
to know
 70
what’s
 71
wrong
 72
 
 
at
 73
this
 74
precise
 75
moment.
 76

22 Aug 05

Rated 8.5 (8.3) by 2 users.
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Comments:

Holy fuck.

That's amazing dude.
 — unknown

woah, i can't even tell you how much i can relate to this.
thank you for writing this.
keep up the good work.
 — pull_my_hair

unknwon
pmh

1. Hello

2. thanks for reading and commenting.

Justin
 — fdostoev

yes, i feel the same. thank you for writing this. i think we all might have people like this in our past that we don't want to leave behind.
 — jenny198

Jenny198

thank you for taking the time to read and comment

it is difficult to move
on

when they are /gone/

Justin
 — fdostoev

I really like "sunglasses pooled with a different sweat," and most of the little details. It's the little things that sometimes hit really hard when you lose someone...

However, I was a bit put off by the mention of name brands. Is it important that they are Sony headphones or Asics shoes?
 — leukothea

leukothea

1.HI
2. the name brands were, I prefer the reality poem...as much as possible.

3. middle school was a flip comment :)

4. thanks for reading and commenting.

Justin
 — fdostoev

I like this - one (possbile) crit - line 63 should be 'blonde' not 'blond'? 'e' for a female, no 'e' for a male?
 — unknown

'shaking with the
adrenaline of
your absence"

love these lines ...

and blond can be spelt blonde and vice versa
 — tj

tj

thanks for the read

Justin
 — fdostoev

i think peter jennings read this before he croaked.



narcissus prodicus
 — unknown

hmm. good job.
 — electricity

electricity

thanks

Justin
 — fdostoev

Wonderful.

and working in a factory was indeed, an interesting experience, and more interesting because it was- my first job.
 — Cloudless

i was genuinly moved by your poem, because it was genuine. i think anyone above the age of 18 can strongly relate to it. i love the way you captured the moment of sadness and anguish. im there right now, so, thanks for the read!  
 — nullus

nullus

1. Hello

2. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Justin
 — fdostoev

this is really really really great.
 — dlong

wow!  how wonderful!  that was a really great piece, i like how the words are placed in the stanzas, one on top of the next, so you grasp, understand, each one, it forces you to read it really slow.  sometimes that doesnt work and it makes the poem choppy, but i thought it worked well here...
 — chrisgubbrud

WOW, incredible ending, incredible poem... favorite, to say the least
 — hearmyheart

dlong
chrisgubbrud
hearmyheart

1. Hello
2. thank you for reading and commenting.

Justin
 — fdostoev

prep school nonsensical prattle
 — noodleman

Oh, my goodness.  This is one of the only poems I've read that uses the 'straight down the page" format to its advantage.  I felt like I was jogging down right with you and breathless, wanting to love the woman with the dog and the tears at the movie and especially the secret smiles.

Oh, stupid human hearts!
 — Isabelle5

Nicky, stop that at once!  This is your conscience speaking.

No, the OTHER conscience!  
 — unknown

very real and impacting.  i can just picture the scene you describe.  i'm glad i found this.
 — stint

Wow. i really felt this, that's how i know i love a piece. i held my breath towards the end i especially enjoyed lines, well, all of them. i see the scene so clearly. beautiful work.
 — januarygirl

gave me feeling of indescribable pleasurable memories without the actual memories.  it really works.
 — gnormal

this is very very good!
only scrolling down so often was a pain in the ass,
but great work.
 — underdog

Beautiful. Great use of space and enjambment! You are the master of one-worded lines.
 — JD

Another wonderful read.  (I don't like the advertising for Sony but that's just me!)
 — unknown

Never read your stuff before. Boy have I been missing something!
 — ogeretla

i like the short lines +
i like what they say +
i like the ending =
i like.
 — photobooth

i think i fall in love with you through your poetry. and the Dostoevsky doesn't hurt, either.  
 — unknown

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