she called me crazy.
two looks and a lick
from dimple to dimple, grinning-
what was her name?
plotting and moving towards me.
mathematics. it's all a game
of poker, chance.
more statistics and luck than skill.
"I'm so glad you
remembered my name"
and something about
how other jerks
dont care to recall
anything but her bra size:
and i cant stop focusing
on those lips, or
that skin tight
tank top, yellow, and chest
designed to make me
remember that name.
Oh God, what was it?
2 Sep 05
Rated 9 (8.7) by 1 users.
Inactive (7): 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
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Italicize Line 11. Do you need caps or not in 22, that is a a question. Good poem.
thanks. the italics was supposed to go on to line 11. silly HTML :)
haha. wonderfully built up to the last line.
:) thanks :)
Oh this is so great.
fabulous last line <3 adiscodancer
thanks guys :) i'm glad you guys liked it :)
rily gud. i lik it. 9
existentalism at its most intense
existentialism at it's most intense. lol. hmm.
but why did she thank you for remembering her name when you couldn't remember it? see line 5.10-11&22
sorry its :]
i think it's pretty apparent what aet was intending. thus the whole part about "poker, chance." he guesses the right name, but gets caught up in her breasts again and forgets it. it's the point of the poem.
the point is clear. if i add one and one half. but the way it was handled, could add up to three. i read the situation as live. "before class".
intention versus achievement. yup.
kaleidazcope, thank you for comments. i'll look into your criticisms.
Swore I commented on this. I love the feel of lines three and four. I feel like "mathematics" should be its own line? "It's all a game of...." --expand on this? You missed an apostrophe in line 14 (don't)...not that that's a large issue, and yet, others would disagree. Expand a little more between lines twelve and twenty one. Then the ending will have more power. Hah.