poetry critical

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Jesus Christ and His Good Friend Lazarus
bear

Mourning at another funeral,
 1
looking at another grave stone,
 2
watching the free birds fly.
 3
I realized:
 4
 
 
Death is not fair.
 5
But life is.
 6
 
 
A needle in my vein,
 7
pumps me full of what I need
 8
to see the man that gives me
 9
the colors I want to
 10
get through the day.
 11
 
 
Christ mourned for Lazarus
 12
He cried and felt pain,
 13
I can relate to that.
 14
But Christ raised his friend from
 15
the dead.
 16
That's not fair.
 17
But
 18
 
 
Death is not fair.
 19

30 Sep 05

Rated 7 (7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (5): 1, 6, 7, 7, 8, 9

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Comments:

alright honestly, what the hell is up with giving me fives but not giving me a reason why I get a 5 it does not help me make the poem better. it would be much appreciated if you could tell me why I get a rating. thank you.
 — bear

good idea, i dont think lines 7 - 11 go with the poem though

also i dont think that life is fair, there's too many variables, with death there's the absolute that you must die, which introduces uniformity and thus fairness to the event

8
 — Frozenstein

thanks a lot, lines 7-11 are open to interpretation.
 — bear

i think lines 7-11 are the best bit. but they are not (in my opinion) relevent to the poem. maybe cut them, and use them in a new poem?
 — Lia

I think they are relevent. I just liked the idea of a needle but not knowing what is in the needle.  Maybe I will make a new poem. What to do, what to do?
 — bear

Do you mean vein? In line 7
 — Tentative

i guess
 — bear

Bear, I like you.
 — mandolyn

:)
 — bear

Christ didn't weep for Lazarus being dead, He wept at the little faith of his closest friends.  Why would Christ weep for death, knowing that He could raise anyone and that it's only a transition?  He wept at the fact that Mary and Martha still did not believe in Him as God.

Death is fair.  If there were no death, we would be packed together so tightly that we would not be able to breathe.  Life is what you allow, fair or not, you decided before you came here to this place of learning.  

What's the needle for?  You need to be high to contact God, is that what it means?  

I have often been disappointed to know that there is no record of Lazarus dying a second time.  We know he did, just not what he died from the second time or how much longer he lived after being raised.  I'd like to know!
 — Isabelle5

Jesus is a myth
and so is death
 — unknown

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