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tell matt, someone has been talking shit

He shot out the back door like a bullet
Turned the corner, calm and collected
No menacing stance, just a business man
You would have never known if it weren’t for the gun in his hand
He hadn’t even noticed but it’s raining like hell, hence; ever so nonchalant
Opens his umbrella, it’s full of holes; like the bodies he left back at the restaurant
“Sir; there’s a fine line
Between murder
And bad tempers,
Motives and backwards glances!
You know, under most circumstances
This would be considered insane”
“Alright I’ll talk, but only if you promise to listen…
Friday night, was jam packed, so I had to wait
She called, sounded out of breath, said she’s running late
So I ordered drinks, then heard shouting from the front
A jealous husband, “I know he’s in here!” with a loaded gun
I hid under the table, heard screaming then bang, bang, bang
More screaming, the police came, he dropped it and ran
I came out from under the table; saw the gun lying on the floor
Picked it up, ignored the bodies, ran right the fuck out the door!”
Dear audience, I regret to inform you that Miss Fortune never showed up for our date. She was found strangled in her apartment, Her husband is the prime suspect, he is also in custody for an act of man slaughter in a local restaurant on last Friday night. 46 dead, 1 survivor
When they asked him what he thought of the incident
I replied, “What do you say to a bullet?”

2 Oct 05

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HMm, very graceful and bold. Though I would seperate the last two lines from line 22. And in line 21 "ran right the fuck out the door!" sounds a bit ackward, its the 'fuck'. Maybe rephrase it?
 — Me_eM

I think the lines in some cases are too long, break them up a little. Just capitalise the start of each sentence maybe, or at least be consistent. Read it to yourself and try to balance it more
 — WilliamGruff

i love this. its a good story. favorite.
 — bear

Excellent with authentic reportage voyage. Well sustained throughout
 — larrylark