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and when the curtains close.

and i'd love to jump  
off this building, slow  
         audience breathes  
ice and snow  
until my limbs, frostbitten,  
tumble into melancholy,  
no beating heart could  
ever again be  
so cold --  
it's not rehearsal  
when lungs  
and the curtains  
have since closed.

3 Oct 05

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some spelling and grammar mistakes:
take out 'of' in l2
frostbitten, frozen

i will come back and read again. i like though.
 — unknown

thanks much. :0
 — midare

anyone else?
 — midare

some changez.
 — midare

since you used "closed curtains" in the title, maybe it would be more effective to change line 14 to expand upon the image. I was thinking something like:

"and the closed curtains
have since gathered dust"

or something like that.

still good work. love the mood creation.
 — SteelAngel

always a pleasure reading your work. how have you been?
 — papermoon