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and when the curtains close.
midare

and i'd love to jump  
 1
off this building, slow  
 2
         audience breathes  
 3
ice and snow  
 4
until my limbs, frostbitten,  
 5
tumble into melancholy,  
 6
no beating heart could  
 7
ever again be  
 8
so cold --  
 9
 
 
it's not rehearsal  
 10
when lungs  
 11
stutter  
 12
and the curtains  
 13
have since closed.
 14

3 Oct 05

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Comments:

some spelling and grammar mistakes:
take out 'of' in l2
frostbitten, frozen
rehearsal

i will come back and read again. i like though.
 — unknown

thanks much. :0
 — midare

anyone else?
 — midare

some changez.
 — midare

since you used "closed curtains" in the title, maybe it would be more effective to change line 14 to expand upon the image. I was thinking something like:

"and the closed curtains
have since gathered dust"

or something like that.

still good work. love the mood creation.
 — SteelAngel

always a pleasure reading your work. how have you been?
 — papermoon

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