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lipgloss and whiskey

Between the crest of an unruly curtain
and the tailwind of moon breaths
beckon whiskey suite solos,
charging an adulterous night
of glazed knee-high boots
with traitorous 180 degree angulations.  
Louder than the wind chimes revolves
unruly magnetism,
the telephone dial looks like sin
if you stare too closely
at the amber shadows beneath
the night lamp’s cocktail dress
that misbehaves.
Five-drag cigarettes tattoo    
vanilla scented earrings senseless
on days replete with less than manageable
'Yours truly'
by the neighborhood washateria,
absolving someone else’s underwear
of confessions howling the moon closer to full
three double shots later.
October days, beaded like prayer flag squares,
stitch absence with fading indigo seams
to reveal frostbitten piles of
hipbones - contracting,
retinas - protruding,
fingertips - placating white nights
that pray only for  
forgiving dawn.

15 Oct 05

Rated 7 (8.2) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (14): 1, 2, 6, 6, 6, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Good good good. I don't like the title.  is cock-tail hyphenated for a reason?  I'm guessing so. I read 'beaded' as 'beheaded' how disturbing.  Take 'a' out of the last line.  I'll come back, and I don't often do that.  I like this a  lot.
 — kitkat

grrr who is this
 — kitkat

This is Maria and are you still in India?
 — slancho

I will think about a new title, the way it was born was because I was smoking my head out while writing this and somehow the whole thing came out of one hand being paralyzed by my face.  I am not a big smoker, but that night ...
Will do the changes
cock-tail was not hyphenated in the original, but then I was trying to communicate an adulterous night by myself ... is it disturbing?  
Thank you for your comments, I absolutely love your poetry and am honored you should comment.  One advantage to posting when it is night in north america is that there are people in the East to comment ...
e-mail if you wish: maria_stoianova80@yahoo.com
 — slancho

God, I do not like titles ... supposed to communicate the poem in a line.  Here, I changed it ...
 — slancho

ooh it's you.  I'm glad :) the new title is MUCH preferred.  Yes I am still in India.... you left Bulgaria?

cock-tail is not disturbing, I just wanted to check that that was what you wanted to convey as opposed to a grammatical error.

and now I am excited because i have discovered you have lots more poems and I am going to go and read them all.

Did I mention I love this....?
 — kitkat

oh, God, don't read all my poetry ... well, you can.  
I left Bulgaria, in fact, I was there just to visit my family.  Currently in England, used to live in the States, did some work in Nepal two years ago, hoping to go back this coming summer, we should talk.  
I like your web site by the way.  
Do write, you have a wonderful way with the pen
 — slancho

ohhh man. I savored this for three reads. I don't know what it is about this piece. It runs through all of my senses, made me ponder, made me visualize.

I think the title doesn't fit and that its too long.
The words are so sensous. Like they're coated with lipgloss and whiskey...I dont know if that makes a lick of sense.
I love this.
 — madderhatter

Madderhatter, I loved the phrase in your comment so much that I made it into a new title.  I agree, the old one was too long, but I just hate titles.  Suppose I should just post poems untitled and have others come up with the title.  yeah, sounds like a grand idea
THis poem is about staying up until 3am, smoking myself to death, living adulterous by myself (now go figure this one), smoking some more ... thus the first stanza (the curtain is real and so was the whiskey).  I do have knee high boots I was wearing that night in my room, hmmm.  The second stanza - another cigarette, taking the time to settle down the idea of not calling a man ... (the cock-tail reference).  I spent the longest time watching the smoke glide past the computer, hang out for a minute in sort of a suspended rainbow shape, then disperse in the direction of the night lamp ...  Last stanza - love making in the reverse.
thanks for your comment!
 — slancho

I love this poem.
I love the title.
The 3rd stanza sold me.
 — Krttika

lipgloss and whiskey: my two favourite things.

why is the hyphen in line 27 different to those in lines 25 &26?
 — inutile

beats me about the hyphen, one of those things computers do that I forget to care about.  Thanks for the comment, inutile (you do not seriously think you are useless, do you?)
 — slancho

 — Trish77


 — Isabelle5

thank you, ladies (Trish and Isabelle)!
Your smiling faces made my evening
 — slancho

maybe if you deleted and replaced the hyphen it would match the others?

sometimes, i really do not know anymore.
 — inutile

changed the hyphen ... hope that helps.
have a great day
 — slancho

oh, but it does :)
 — inutile

 — ducktape

exactly ...
 — slancho

now these are pomes that you can read over and over and over and over

i love the way you slam words down (i.e. vanilla scented earrings senseless).  they're sensory and unerringly beautiful.  it's definitely the way that i wish i could write.
 — midare

thank you, midare, but I do think you yourself slam words down quite successfully.  
Your kind words have made my day, an otherwise gloomy morning in England with too many academic papers and only so many cups of coffee.  
 — slancho

awesome write maria. :) awesome.
 — varun

thank you, varun, for coming back to this forgotten favorite of mine.  The occasion for writing this was awesome as well ... and he still is.  
yours maria
 — slancho

very, very interesting images. but they're just thrown together on the page. i don't see where this goes or wants to be going.
 — jade

Bravo Maria, Bravo! This is wonderful...you have a gift!
 — marionette

a breath of air and beauty.
 — alicedark

i think you have tendencies to over describe without connecting
 — unknown

thanks to all for the comments, I have not visited this poem in a while, apologies for the late response.  I have a tendency to describe, I am not sure this one poem has over-description in it, but I will come back to it when I am not in the process of catching a plane and see if I can do something to appease the loose ends.
Thanks for commenting, jade, alicedark, marionette (you are too kind), everyone
 — slancho

I like this and love the imagery.  A few of the line breaks give me pause though and some of the grammar.  Here's an example:
Somewhere between
the crest of an unruly curtain
and tailwind of moon breaths
beckons whiskey suite solos,
charging an adulterous night
of glazed knee-high boots
with traitorous 180 degree angulations.

Louder than wind chimes
revolved unruly magnetism
and the telephone dial
looks like sin
if you stare too closely
at amber shadows
beneath the night lamp's
cock-tail dress,
that misbehaves.

Five drag cigarettes
tattoo vanilla scented earrings senseless
on days replete with
less than manageable
Yours truly
by the neighborhood washeteria,
absolving someone else's underwear
of confessions that howl the mooncloser to full
three double shots later.

October days,
beaded like prayer flag squares,
stitch absence with fading indigo seams
to reveal frostbitten,
piles of hipbones - contracting,
retinas - protruding,
fingertips - placating white nights
that pray only for
forgiving dawn.

This is a truly cool poem, so forgive my tweaking with it if yuo will.   Thanks
 — Ed2039

thanks, Ed2039, I will look into the changes and surely, incorporate most of them in the poem
I seem to have a problem with line breaks, since a lot of people draw my attention to them, but I am learning.  It always helps to read a poem out loud, then a few more pauses make sense but since we cannot do this on PC, I will see what your suggestions are and gratefully make the changes
thank you for taking the time, it is truly an honor
 — slancho

This reminds me of someone…well, the title does.
 — unknown

still my two favourite things :)
 — inutile

unknown, does it remind you of me? or who, praytell?
 — inutile

ah, inutile and unknown, actually maddertahher suggested the title, taken from one of my own comments on this poem, before that it was something long and silly.  I am glad you like it still, inutile, but I do hope the rest of the poem merits some attention as well. Grins
 — slancho

means madderhatter ... pfu, loukumi fingers this morning
 — slancho

thanks for the low ratings, I would love some comments though to go with them
 — slancho

I didn't like this poem the first time I read it, except for this line :
"and the telephone dial looks like sin"

And then I read it a second, and a third, and your imagery started opening up like one of those pictures you have to stare at for ages until you see a sail-boat or a midget riding a horse. This is a great poem.
 — rattlesnakes

thank you, rattlesnakes, your comment is an opening up of imagery in its own right
 — slancho

can you explain this? is it about DIY sex?

why does the telephone dial look like sin? fingers holes crack hallucinations?
 — unknown

oh, no, not at all, this is not about DYI sin
read the rest of the poem, it is about a certain moment one evening and a certain absence ... supposed to be very sensual, hopefully does not give people ideas that are too crazy for this author to claim as hers
 — unknown

Drop the comma in twelve, rework the sentence structure. It makes little sense the way it is, and could be so much better. "Yours truly" in seventeen? eh? Underwear of confessions? There should be a period at the end of sixteen if you're going to capitalize seventeen. No comma on the end of frostbitten. Unless it's "the frostbitten". Please just reconsider the punctuation. Make it consistent. If you're going to use a sentence structure, use it right. It's good, and it has plenty to work with, but I can't rate it really high quite yet.
 — Doulos

Doulos, thank you for visiting this poem and for your very detailed punctuation comments
I changed the commas as you suggested. "Yours truly" is the way someone would sign themselves on a letter, also the way someone might refer to themselves from a distance so here it is instead of a nam.  "underwear of confessions" is part of a phrase and if you read the whole thing it goes " absolving underwear of confessions howling (that howl)" which should make sense ... I thought it did

Yours truly is capitalized because, as I said again, is a name and it is part of the sentence in the previous line.  I might have to out it in quotation marks to make this clearer but it is not capitalized because a new sentence.

Also, line 12, the confusing part ... try to read it again.  I wanted it to read long and out of breath and that is one reason I structured the sentence as I did.  Thank you for catching the comma at the end of line 12.  Actually I did make some changes, see what you think.

Thank you for visiting and for your comments
 — slancho

Back again from the vault, still excellent writing.
 — Isabelle5