|Typing and Fucking
|just a little ditty I wrote quicky at work to let off steam.|
I spend my mornings thinking and typing
My afternoons smiling and winking
I get off work singing and buying
And adjusting to natural lighting
I go home to cleaning and writing
I meet up with him eating and chilling
Laughing and willing
Fighting and fucking
Teasing and biting
Tasting not filling
My soul always milling
28 Oct 05
Rated 7 (6) by 1 users.
Inactive (1): 5, 7
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(11 more poems by this author)
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I'd like to see your other poems, if possible. It would help me critique this one, which I find surprisingly endearing.
hmm . I am wondering why you are unable to see the few I have posted so far? are they not showing up?? I have two which no one has ever commented on and I would love to get your feed back on. PS Thank you!
hmm... interesting... i like it a lot.. but i'd drop the last line "for love".. that way it'll keep flowing as you read it and keep that same punch the whole way thru... perhaps end it with something else? just a suggestion...
nobody wants to know that
If you are referring to my poem, well there is something for everybody. You don't have to like it. It's just life.
This one was pretty.
pretty piece, sounds like a song.
i want to put a rhythm to it and sing.
it's a quickly written ditty so i'm not sure how you feel about making changes but:
L6 chilling seemed out of place almost, because of the style of the poem
none of the other words seem to be slang words, and even if you didn't mean to use it as slang, just as the world "chill", the reader would infer chilling from it.
otherwise i like it.
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