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Typing and Fucking
Riverwriter2

just a little ditty I wrote quicky at work to let off steam.

I spend my mornings thinking and typing
 1
My afternoons smiling and winking
 2
I get off work singing and buying
 3
And adjusting to natural lighting
 4
I go home to cleaning and writing
 5
I meet up with him eating and chilling
 6
Laughing and willing
 7
Fighting and fucking
 8
Teasing and biting
 9
Tasting not filling
 10
My soul always milling
 11
For love
 12

28 Oct 05

Rated 7 (6) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 5, 7

(define the words in this poem)
(11 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

I'd like to see your other poems, if possible. It would help me critique this one, which I find surprisingly endearing.
 — graceinmtl

hmm . I am wondering why you are unable to see the few I have posted so far? are they not showing up?? I have two which no one has ever commented on and I would love to get your feed back on. PS Thank you!
 — Riverwriter2

hmm... interesting... i like it a lot.. but i'd drop the last line "for love".. that way it'll keep flowing as you read it and keep that same punch the whole way thru... perhaps end it with something else? just a suggestion...
- gears
 — unknown

nobody wants to know that
 — unknown

If you are referring to my poem, well there is something for everybody. You don't have to like it. It's just life.
 — Riverwriter2

This one was pretty.
 — aeturnus

pretty piece, sounds like a song.
i want to put a rhythm to it and sing.

it's a quickly written ditty so i'm not sure how you feel about making changes but:

L6 chilling seemed out of place almost, because of the style of the poem
none of the other words seem to be slang words, and even if you didn't mean to use it as slang, just as the world "chill", the reader would infer chilling from it.

otherwise i like it.
 — ileviyou

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