poetry critical

online poetry workshop


as the moon rises
         the sun spills into the sea
     and time eludes us

2 Nov 05

Rated 1 (7.2) by 1 users.
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i like it, simple.
 — LostWaves

Very clean.
 — Isabelle5

wow. a beautiful snapshot image. efficient word use. this is good.
 — SteelAngel

spills <--nice
in me head eye saw: yellow, blue and green

l3: cliché: find the sentiment of how it "eludes us",  and stick it next to time.

and title: revolve: tooo mechanical, this is a watercolor poem; the sun spills into the sea < capitalize on this image

 — unknown

Yep, this does it,but remember time is a construct of mans imagination in order to bring order to his perception of the universe.

Larry speaking clock Lark
 — larrylark

 — varun

thanks for your comments
i appreciate all of them
 — keving

this is very pretty.
 — ducktape

great title and great imagery to match it. well done.
 — bear

i love this!
 — emptyepitaph