poetry critical

online poetry workshop



haircuts are good for the soul
bear

I went to
 1
get my haircut
 2
today.
 3
I sat down in
 4
the chair.
 5
The lady tried to
 6
move it
 7
but it was locked.
 8
She muttered "I
 9
hate when people
 10
lock these
 11
chairs."
 12
I apologized for
 13
this.
 14
She said,
 15
"It's ok,
 16
it's not your
 17
fault."
 18
And I felt better
 19
because it was
 20
not my fault.
 21

8 Nov 05

Rated 10 (8.2) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (11): 4, 7, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10

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(199 more poems by this author)

(5 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

humorous ;-)
 — lonelygirl

cheers
 — bear

Hee hee!
 — Lulu

Haa Haa!
 — bear

hoo hoo?

(trying to fit in ;-))
 — lonelygirl

suggest: l9-l13 sub. the actually expression she said or you think she she say. i think this will make this piece very integhesting if you doso. cause l14 will come along and i would be like what are you talking about and i would be
nervous as the character in this poem as then at the end i would feel better becuase itls not my fault .... i'm just saying.
 — crepaway

better, worse? the same?
 — bear

i love the last three lines. i love them so much, i cannot express it.

i like you, too, i guess, since you wrote them, but my heart is for them only.

sorry.
 — inutile

No, they are not, pooh-bear
 — unknown

i also only like the last three lines, but i needed a way to get them onto paper.

unknown, haha, am i going to be known as pooh-bear from this day forward? its kind of funny. and you are also right, they are not good for your soul, i hate them.
 — bear

:)
nice and simple poem.

'my hair cut' or 'a haircut' would be better... no?
 — varun

thanks varun. you're right, that would be better. i'm terrible at naming my poems.
 — bear

i never said the rest was bad, just that the ending was brilliant.

i myself like the phrase "she whispered furtive things, furtively" , but am still struggling with a way to put it to use. if you have any ideas please enlighten me.
 — inutile

clever little poem. natural. charming. Holden Caulfieldish. A big 9 for you.
 — unknown

Very drole.
 — Meep

thanks unknown. holden caulfield is one of my favorite characters in literature. thanks for the 9!

meep, i'm not familiar with the term "drole"
 — bear

awesome!
 — emptyepitaph

blah. Prose, broken. Still not a poem, nor even with thought.
 — alicedark

thanks empty!
i have to disagree alice, it is poetry.
 — bear

LOL absolute classic which says more about the tide of human affairs than a whole history book
 — larrylark

amusant, bizarre, drôle, tout chose, étrange, blague, drôlement, étrangement.
 — Meep

thanks larry!
 — bear

Love it. Don't even know why, I just do. Simple, effective, clever, funny, original.

x
 — musicwords

thanks x!
 — bear

L5 either make it a full stop and the next line a new sentence, or remove the full stop and add "and"

like i said before, i love the last three lines.
 — inutile

thanks
 — bear

I love the plain voice in which you write - it's natural, and almost whiney, but not -- thank goodness ^^ Your style is something which I admire, because I find it incredibly difficult to write the way you do. Kudos.
 — wendz

thank you very much! i am glad it is not whiney. that would make me upset.
 — bear

i agree with the theme of this poem. sometimes i feel repsonsible for things i didn't do. i always attribued this to the fact that i'm an only child. are you?
 — freqe24

i do like this, i do!  it's simple, natural.  i keep trying to write like this but find it difficult, which seems odd because it doesn't appear to be all that complicated. easy to say, hard to do…i applaud you for a lovely job here!
 — woman_power

this is gay you are a fag
 — unknown

bear you are gay and you suck dick
 — unknown

that was kind of mean.
 — listen

whoever thatlast unknown was probably has a lot of experience at sucking dick and is justl ooking for a partner. But I digress...

If you are trying to make fun of pretentious poets with this piece - then I get it.  If you are serious then I feel let down.
 — unknown

i'm not an only child.
this is how i naturally write, just let yourself go.
i don't think i have ever tried to suck dick except for my own, does that make me gay?
and i think its funny that i said sorry jokingly and the lady said its not my fault seriously. and i thought: man thats great its not my fault... i'm glad she said that. of course with sarcasm.
 — bear

i love this, it's really cute and satisfying (sp?). it makes me feel better. especially the last three lines. :) i like. i like a lot.
 — missmurder

um, yea well you definately won the spirit award!

lol kidding its nice. 8
 — SharpKnife

haha thank you very much.
 — bear

heh heh heh

you locked it, didn't you?  This is quite the funny poem.
 — Isabelle5

A tad bit frivolous
 — unknown

too bad this doesn't have the concision and layering of a good hairtcut. it's more like the hair balls left on the floor after.

which is to say, that it's a conversational blurb with funny line breaks. if you want me to do an edit on this let me know -- it wouldn't be any better, but it would read differently at least, and this is poetry critical laboratory and nails.
 — joey

lightened up my day (am reading this in work), thanks!
 — bleach

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