after metamorphosis, butterflies eat
change is not so sweet for some.
16 Dec 05
Rated 10 (8.4) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (21): 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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this is brilliant and so ... simple.
even though this is short, it says a hell of a lot to me... dont mind me stating the obvious>
What the other people said.
This is wonderful
thanks starwars, Fangz, and redsky
instead of 'eat' maybe you could consider using 'sip'?
an edit if i may:
after metamorphosis, butterflies
sip only nectar; change
is not so sweet for some.
ummmmmmwhoa it says so much any more words and it would lose it
pls explain why this should receive a higher number than 2. please explain what i'm missing. where is the content? hear-her, what part is the "brilliant" part?
Normaly I don't like, or get the two or three line poems, but if they were with as much intellegence as this I would love em. Well done adn in so few words. Its border line brilliant.
youre not explaining. youre touting.
thanks for the suggestions. i originally had 'sip' but changed it to 'eat' because eat had a better feel to it/slightly jarring or unnatural. originally i had the first two lines:
only nectar, after metamorphosis
but changed it to the current form so that 'change' and 'nectar' would stand out more. so i'm not sure i like the break you suggested. what do others think?
turtle and solstice, thank you.
Brilliantly done, the last line is perfect. Sweet and straight to the point, nice poem.
well...nice thought, but actually they eat shit too. mebbe that wouldn't be so poetic...or would it?
it just doesn't seem very eloquent or thoughtful, as two/three line poems really have to be to achieve anything. i get it but the message seems so obvious and trite.
if i am missing anything, i would love to get an analysis and explanation from the author.
until then, i am giving this a well-deserved 5. it doesn't seem like enough thought was put into it.
ha ha you want an explanation when the poem is called 'simply put' l
true; thus, cool because it's true.
It has a clear metaphorical connection, but it's opposite. I don't think I've ever seen this done, at least not this good.
The title's OK, though.
change is not so sweet for some what? some butterflies?
or you are switching to people in midpoem?
youre giving up on your metaphor after only one line?
you are not claiming that the _change_ is sweet for the butterfly,
only that the _food afterwards_ is sweet. no sense.
this poem is like a half-eaten banana for some-
one piece, blatenly exposed, and not worth finishing.
how different is it from,
"some people get good stuff after they change.
too bad other people have a hard time."?
(in my mouth upon the negativity of anything I could say
bad about this.)
simplicity is beautiful
ileviyou- i'm glad you get the point, now think a little harder.
delfinkay- title suggestions?
unknown after delfinkay- 'some' is up for interpretation. use your imagination, friend.
opinion- thank you (?)
lonelygirl, listen, and inprogress- thank you
I like this, but i do think that it could be better.
I believe nothing more must be said.
I love this.
I think that sip would be better too, for accuracy's sake.
There is no need to explain or justify the analogy here, as it presents a perspective on change that is original and thought-provoking. It's incompleteness gives me space to think.
Perhaps you could look at my poem Butterflies?
thanks for the consideration.
this is so beautiful and sadly true. <3
poems with colons in the title are way too magnetic. my mouse simply cannot stay away from them.
What is this stuff.
this is, well yes, simply put and well done
I wonder if "drink" might work better in place of "eat" but then, it might be too obious coupled with nectar.
last line (to make it less narrative in my head). I am thinking of a different synonym for metamorhosis, rather than change, which is the obvious one: maybe transfigure, transform, something that is more active and suggestive of moving from one state to another. Also, conversion, rebirth.
transformation is not so
sweet for some
thank you, feel free to gloss over these suggestions
i used metomorphosis to describe the change from a scientific perspective, but thanks for your suggestions. i'm mulling over them for line 3.
Your last line is fine. 'Transformation' is not cliche enough. Does one really talk about transformation not being as sweet?
Your poem is very neat. Your title is a bit of weak though.
good changes ...
wow. . . . so many things are not so simple, but then again so many things we choose to complicate. that is one of those simple truthes that nobody really knows how to put simply. . . . brilliant is really the perfect comment for this work of art.
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