poetry critical

online poetry workshop

allen ginsberg was a buddhist

he said so himself, and if you don't believe me -
just go read his poetry,
or pottery, or whatever.
i'm not from the sixties or a beat poet,
or much of a poet at all if i had to be honest,
but i guess i still have something in common with him;
i'm a buddhist, too.
figured that if old ginsberg could
be gay and write with ampersands,
then maybe i'm not doing so bad, either.
at the temple tonight,
i thought about resolutions -
laughed with my brother when he joked that
"stop being gay"
should be one.
that's what really started this ramble;
i was in the temple and ginsberg was gay,
and my brother's joke pretty much kick started this whole poetry business again.
"allen ginsberg was a buddhist"
was as good a line as any to start a poem,
but here i am at the end with
nothing much else to say but
"allen ginsberg was a buddhist".
i don't think he was ever much good with resolutions, either.

here's to '06

31 Dec 05

Rated 10 (9) by 2 users.
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I don't know if you're gay, and I don't know what kind of Buddhist you are, but you certainly ARE a poet.
 — unknown



 — unknown

Lovely work; the voice is so perfectly natural and unforced, and the poem never breaks into a "poetic" style, so kudos.  Poems about writing poetry can be tricky, but this is great.

The only suggestion for revision that comes to mind is "&s," and its just personal preference; while you may want to keep it "&s" as a tribute to A.G., I'd rather read it as "ampersands."  Just me being idiosyncratic again.

 — mikkirat

nothing like starting off the new year with another YAWN.
 — unknown

I agree with mikkirat. The "&s" really threw me off. I guess I don't remember them from A.G.'s work. Think it would be better to spell it out.

Other then that, I love your voice in this work. It's absolutely natural. Keep up the good work.

Happy New Years!
 — wordlover

 — Hear

Don't really care for it, but I love the last line.
 — Hear

You know, mikkirat and wordlover, I don't like "&s" either. I liked his "&"s, but "&s" look kinda weird and lazy. I only used it because I was in a rush and didn't know how to spell "ampersands".

Unknown; I had a line between fifteen and sixteen that said "i'm not gay, but" but decided against it, as that wasn't really a big deal, and I didn't want to call attention to the "gay" aspect. I'm a pretty poor Buddhist, and thank you for your kind words :D

VERY xDD, Rickey. ^_-

Hear; that's cool, this is about six months coming, and I guess you have to be a Ginsberg fan or conversation-toned poetry lover to like this.

Hey YAWN dude; fuck you.

xD in keeping tone with old A.G., of course.
 — wendz

I think L20 should change to "was as good a way as any to start a poem," since no line actually exists in this poem. but maybe i'm bein to literal. blah. i'll stick with: xDD

 — unknown

yawn again.

"fuck you" is even more constructive; thank you for leading the way in that regard.  

kluver bucy
 — unknown

the casual tone carries your poem fully + fulfillingly. I like everything about it. It's an unusual poem at PC-- fresh . Yes, here's to '06. May the beat go on.
 — borntodance

Quality ;)
 — Meep

beat me to death

a g

al green
 — unknown

I don't know if I like this poem or not. I'm really not sure. I may hate this poem because it is not a wendz poem. I might like the poem because it is funny. I just can't figure it out, maybe because I am a Christian, somewhat..maybe because I hate resolutions. You called it "this ramble", not me...but maybe it is a ramble. Do I have to like the poem to like the poem? Interesting problem to solve...it is funny though...damn I should stop being so gay. I do like it.
 — unknown

"damn I should stop being so gay" - thanks for that, your comment made me laugh especially that part :D

Thanks all for the comments.
 — wendz

Charming, very charming. There is a distinct voice that you've created, although it's not so much a poem as it is prose. But then again, what's the difference? It doesn't really matter.

I loved this and could only find simple little things that could possibly be improved. One of these such things is line 7. The 'somewhat' at the end seems to disrupt the flow somewhat; maybe if it was worded "i'm somewhat of a buddhist, too." It could just be me, but I like the sound of that better. Also, do you think line 15 would work better if it read "should be one of them"? In my opinion it's just a little clearer.

Like I said, I really liked this poem. I hope my critique at least helped a little bit, but I can understand if you don't agree with any of it. Thanks for sharing!
 — mixtapeboy

Thanks mixtape, I made some minor revisions. There were parts where it didn't flow as well as I'd have liked it to, hope it's better now. Still thinking about line fifteen, and how to alter it whilst still keeping the tone and economy of words.
 — wendz

allen ginsberg was my english teacher's poetry teacher.  my english teacher's a buddhist (also happens to be a genius).  my english teacher told us recently that allen ginsberg came to our school years ago and was spewing poems at an alumni assembly that were basically about wanting men in his pants and how little boys turned him on.  all these esteemed alumni were turning purple in the face hearing him raving about such things, and my teacher said one old lady next to him leaned over to her old lady friend and said "Do you think we've heard enough about fucking and sucking by now?".  haha...definitely my favorite line at the moment.
just thought you should know. :)
 — woman_power

Some of his more explicit pieces I'm not entirely crazy about =P I can imagine that sort of speech, the organisers would have been mortified HA!
 — wendz

incredible poem.

 — unknown

who is allen ginsberg?

your Buddhist Punk,
       /    \
: )
 — fractalcore

That symbol's "sky/heaven", right? I thought I recognised it, but wasn't sure ^_^

Allen Ginsberg is an excellent beat poet from the 60s - you should check him out, he's a terrific late night read. My favourite collection of his is "Cosmopolitan Poems".
 — wendz

hi, wendz.
the question was rhetorical, hehe. wikipedia is always there
to the rescue.

and you're right. the symbol means sky, heaven, or Gawd.
: )
 — fractalcore

that's impossible - buddhists are homophobic. look it up.
 — unknown

ginsberg weren't a poet, but he was a buttfukker, and his buddha smoked dope and told his inner CPA that it was ok to pedo-butt, cause boys needed to be told to "you'd better leave now... i have things i have to do" after a little afternoon quicky. you're depressing as hell and that's really super sweet. probably your buddha temple is way AA meeting, but you can lie about it and the buddha will buttfuk you into consciousness and ask, "well, sonny, if you're not a poet why'd you post this here talky shit in a poetry workshop for??".

that buddha!!!
 — joey

frac - wikipedia got me through university, but shhh...^_~

That symbol is the first part of my dad's name; I've always loved the basic elemental words, they're so elegant and archaic, and divine.

And, unk, I beg to differ. Get your own facts straight.
 — wendz

Outstanding piece here.
 — PaleHorse

I dont know what to say for this one...intersting none the less
 — psychofemale

This is a story again, no poetry, i dont feel it, are you a buddhist ?
 — Hulda

OMG... this poem is nearing its tenth anniversary! Mazel Tov!!
 — aforbing

to do it in the style -- i mean, the actually what really made the words snap in the head style -- i'd start with stanza 5, 'that's what really started...', because this starts us inside your head, instead of like we were standing outside the hall chatting.

sure, ginsberg was an opportunist, but that don't mean you have to vibe with that and write an opportunistic poem.

besides, you know there's no 'buddhist' poetry, anymore than there's a 'catholic poetry'.... it's just some people into a feeling and singing out some kind of song using a special vocabulary set. it don't mean nothing except to poetry. and, poetry lasts way longer than any of these mumbo-jumbo meeting in the hall/temple/church social activities.

poetry, creativity, is real.
 — cadmium

yeah. just let it playout through to the bottom and up to the top and down to letting 'at the temple...' be the last stanza.

spiritually and conceptually this piece is more about 'words are doors not curbs to trip on', so any reactive way you can dissipate the intellectual message of each stanza will flat the poem into a path for the reader and lead to truth. the truth is 'i read me a poem', but you have to get them ( the readers ) to the point where they'll even admit that.
 — cadmium