poetry critical

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Those who came before
jerotich

Driving through frozen farmland hills
 1
in the yellowed evening light
 2
I know the land is chewing the cud
 3
of old secrets it has known.
 4
 
 
Tingling life blood crawls out
 5
to the prints of my fingers, swollen
 6
with the history within each helix
 7
spilled down from womb to womb.
 8
 
 
Roll down my window to take in
 9
the somber wind which has blown
 10
through many anguished lungs
 11
before mine,
 12
and emerged
 13
more pure.
 14

"Reflect for five minutes on the fact that all the great religions were first preached, and long practised, in a world without chloroform."
-CS Lewis

5 Jan 06

Rated 9 (9) by 1 users.
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Comments:

I like this, especially the thought behind it but I think you are trying too hard. "saline wonderment" doesn't work for me, actually that whole sentence is too much. I don't understand secret wind. Won't we hear it?  Good piece though, reminds me of the sunsetting out here in wyoming. thanks for sharing...
 — Trish77

You say a lot of things I have thought of trying to say in poetry here, only better than any of my amblings ever came out.

I get that feeling while driving sometimes, too.  Really well put, I don't have any problems just enjoyed it.
 — root

excellant, I like the way this captures a feeling.
 — alana

"womb to womb" good.
"wonderment" bad.
I like food
and your dad.

----hahahahaly anonymous---
 — unknown

revised 6/8/06
 — jerotich

nice work.
 — listen

thanks
 — jerotich

As alana says, this has really captured a feeling.
 — naomih

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