poetry critical

online poetry workshop



mumu
foereality

I am sitting here.
 1
Wearing a turquoise velvet mumu.
 2
I am seventeen.
 3
I should not -do- mumus.
 4
And yet. I am
 5
worrisomely
 6
comfortable.
 7

14 Jan 06

Rated 8 (7.8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8, 8
Inactive (14): 1, 3, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)



Add A Comment:
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Comments:

ha! nice.

I like it.
 — GalvanicGirl

worrisomely is a great word.
 — midare

Soo funny, how do you do it?
 — unknown

Nice. I can hear a seventeen year old saying this. The last three lines are awesome.
 — povertea

line 1 is really not needed.
what does the sitting add?

should it be torquoise velvet mumu
i think grammatically that is correcter [ha]
dunno?

i don't know what a mumu is
but i'm happy enough to believe it's a scarf or something similar
(re line 4: i guess a particularly frumpy one?]

why -do-?
do you want to speed up the read?
or
emphasise the do?
it works for emphasis, less for speed though
where all the words in the sentence should be joined

i like the voice in this. i found it soft and witty.
the worrisomly. being just the right touch of colloquialism
to make the narrator come alive in my mind.
 — kaleidazcope

Marlon Brando was known to wear a mumu
in his last years.
It is a brightly colored free-size tunic of hawaiian persuasion.
Sort of like a kilt ain't a skirt,
a mumu ain't a dress---

but, it ain't a shirt either.


I like this poem.
Funny :-)
-krttika
 — unknown

krittika.
i really appreciate the time you always take to translate
hug.
 — kaleidazcope

-do- <- those were meant for emphasis. :)

indeed, I believe the turquoise goes before the velvet. what on earth was I thinking?

Hmm.

I'm keeping the first line, though. I've got an image in my mind of an elderly woman in curlers watching the HSN from her sofa, (wearing a mumu, of course,) and I'm quite certain she can't be bothered to stand up. Therefor I shan't be bothered either.
 — unknown

worrisomely
comfortable.

yeah. that would worry me too.
 — unknown

it's ok... wear it with pride
it used to be the rage for middle-aged women... now it is not
so make it your own--start something new
if you are young, maybe people will follow your trend.
there are worse fashions, you know...
oh, and great writing.
i wasn't bored or perplexed or bothered by this at all.
it spoke to it's topic and kept me interested.
plus--the TITLE... who wouldn't look at this one??
Great stuff!
 — aforbing

this is just stupid.
 — unknown

Thank you, aforbing.

and thank you unknown, I know.

That it's stupid, I mean. That's kind of why I wrote it. I felt silly. and I was wearing a mumu and thus a poem blossomed
 — unknown

Love it! I am grinning. And worrisomely comfortable is a frequent state of mind that I've never put into those particular words before. Thank you for giving me something new to think...:-)
 — smugzy

I'm not enamoured of this poem. I don't see any point in "worrisomely." I never play spoisport, so I won't rate this poem, but if I did, I would give it a 6. I don't get its popularity unless fat, shapeless people are seduced by the coverup.
 — unknown

yuckster poem. Hate mumus. hate the way they look hate the word as title as attractive as tutus  or moo-moos or choo-choos. Most of all, I resent the 10s. If the poem had received 7s and even 8s I would be okay with it. Compare this with the other recent best. See what i mean? A poem should not be 10-rated because fat people feel hidden in mumus.
 — unknown

The art of a true poem is to capture beauty and the extraordinary in an otherwise "normal" day-to-day item/person/idea.
This poem really succeeds at that.
See my poem "Appreciating Some Jewelry".  
 — aforbing

aforbing.... put on a mumu and suck on a big fat pipe
 — unknown

A velvet mumu?  What a ghastly picture that creates!   Why, one might ask?  And in turquise, no less.

At 17, why are you wearing a mumu, unless you have Hawaiian or Polynesian blood coursing through your veins!

I think it's amusing but leaves too much behind to create much impact.  What else can you do with this?
 — Isabelle5

I like to wear a sorong with a thong while being beaten with aaaaa wooden...ahem i don't think i'll go there '

Larry the breeze Lark
 — larrylark

unknowns: I apologize if my poem got rated higher than you think it should have. you seemed to have remedied this with 1 and a 3. Thank you for putting it in its place. And also hurray for you! you managed in one comment to offend fat people, mumus, fat people who wear mumus, and non-fat people who wear mumus. If my attempt at levity brought you so much anguish I shall certainly try harder next time.

aforbing: Thank you, I believe I shall go look at your poem.

Isabelle: I was wearing that mumu because I had nothing else to wear. It happened to be a "gift" from an elderly lady who goes to my church.  And what do you mean, leaves too much behind?

Larry: Thank you for that loverly image. I'm going to go brillo my brain now
 — foereality

Hahaha love it xD
 — carox3

Can you change the punctuation?

I am sitting here,
wearing a turquoise velvet mumu.
I am 17,
I should not "do" mumus,
and yet,
I am worrisomely
comfortable.

What I mean by leaving things out is the part you just said, you didn't have anything to wear, some well-meaning woman from the church gave it to you and though you know it does not suit you, you find that it actually does feel good.
 — Isabelle5

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