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Exhausted.
teo_omega11

That which is lost cannot ever be fully recovered...

Exhausted from it all,
 1
  falling into the sheets, I
 2
close my eyelids;
 3
 
 
                                       Only to smell you.
 4
 
 
Wafting through the miles,
 5
  drifting through my sleep, I am
 6
haunted by your face;
 7
 
 
                                      Because you’re all I see.
 8
 
 
Even during the instant replay,
 9
  softly cursed by regret, I am
 10
falling down once again;
 11
 
 
                                      Dropped by the past.
 12
 
 
The times we shared together,
 13
  not just in your presence,
 14
but somehow connected;
 15
 
 
                                       That which we have lost...
 16
 
 
Never to smell you again
 17
  or to see your face...
 18
Forever without you;
 19
                                    
 20
                                      I am fallen from grace.
 21

20 Jan 06

Rated 8 (7.2) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (14): 1, 1, 1, 1, 6, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(11 more poems by this author)

(5 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

I heart it,  friend. It rocks...HMM! Who does that poem remind me of..Could it be that one dude..? Lol. Just kidding friend.
 — Britt142010

Thanks, Britters.

But I don't know who this poem reminds you of...

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

mm....I like the poem....mostly the last 4 lines and esp times 10 million the last two lines with "Forever without you, I am fallen from grace."  The rhythm change makes the poem different and it works well..kind of like a side note. Overall Your poems have gotten increasingly better from each one you write..I still think [Want] is your best one.. Job well done though..job well done
 — not-the-same

Okay, I'm going to attempt to handle this like a mature adult.

The two people who gave me 1's without commenting: fuck you.

I'd really rather that people didn't mindlessly hate on me.

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

L3 don't need the elipsis
L13 & 14 i suggest you remove altogether
L15, 16 & 17 make into one sentence, change periods to commas
L17 change to "but somehow connected" perhaps
L4, 8, 12, 18 & 22 should all be aligned with each other, and perhaps all of them in italics, as is your usual style.

very nice mature approach you took there.
 — inutile

inutile: Thanks for the comment, I'll make changes accordingly. The alignment is a bit off, and I meant to put them in italics. I just...didn't.

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

don't think you need the header.

like this poem a lot more now.

hope you stay around.
 — inutile

I've removed the introduction. It's true, I don't need it.

I plan on being around for awhile, inutile. And if I do leave, my poetry won't all be deleted.

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

Just so ya know, any girl would kill to have somone like you, someone who can write like this and love like this, have her on his mind.
 — unknown

L3, 7, 11, 15 & 19 might be nicer if they ended in the same type of punctuation
L20 should be a blank line before this, if you wish it to match the previous stanzas

i love this format, but believe it should be more consistant.
 — inutile

L15 should not start with a capital
 — inutile

inutile: I decided on semicolons for the unifying punctuation. Also, I didn't notice my lack of an extra line break, I suppose I just missed it when I was writing. I don't draft on PC, I just write it in whatever format comes to mind whenever it does. You'll find the format consistent now.

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

i love semi-colons.

please align the last line, and i'll be content with your poem. for now.
 — inutile

I agree with inutile the last line should be in the same alignment as the other italics.
 — unknown

It was aligned before, but the new line break messed it up. I'll fix that right now.
Thanks for your help.

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

i guessed that was it.

i'm going to add this to my favourites. don't know how long it will last there, however.
 — inutile

Do you change your favourites a lot, or something?

Anyway, thanks for the thought.

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

not a lot, i just don't like to have a long list. so when i add one thing, i might get rid of a previous favourite. if i have too many favourites, i'll forget them all, and will never read and enjoy them.
 — inutile

nice carriage return buddy
 — unknown

honestly, who would rate this a 1? this site shits me sometimes.
 — inutile

I'm pretty sure it's spite. I rather detest immaturity in all forms, but hey, who cares about rating?

I just want to improve, and perhaps touch the life of someone who can relate.

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

A new intro, hoping it adds more punch. What do you guys think?

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

I like it, it's interesting.
 — unknown

The two people who gave me 1's without commenting: fuck you.

I'd really rather that people didn't mindlessly hate on me.
*****************


lol


are you sure you wrote this poem -- dude?


lol

rafterman
 — unknown

I like the new intro a lot.
 — fallinforyou

You know Teo, you  have a rare talent of breathing life into mere words and your poetry is so touching on so many different levels. Why do you allow others mindless comments to upset you? Be confident in your own abilities and try not to let others rob you of the joy your writing obviously gives you and try to be content in the knowledge that your poetry also brings joy to those of us who can appreciate real talent. This is just so lovely in so many ways.
 — marionette

Well this took me by surprise, to be absolutely honest. I log in, my poem's #1.

Marionette: Thank you for the comment, I'll try to take your advice. I appreciate the words of wisdom and encouragement more than you could know.

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

this poem is honestly lame and corny with a design about it that jsut distracts but does not enhance. no respected critics will like it.

just keepin it real

i would give it a 7 but too lazy to log in
 — unknown

[excremented]
 — unknown

I don't like:

  Even during the instant replay,
9
  softly cursed by regret, I am
10
  falling down once again;
11


or

  Never to smell you again
17
  or to see your face...
18
  Forever without you;


Lastly, this doesn't make sense to me. Too wanna-be poetic-

  The times we shared together,
13
  not just with you,
14
  but somehow connected;

Try to diagram that; you might see what I mean.

It's interesting, but nothing unique.
 — unknown

i like this one, the two voices speaking... it makes me feel like i'm in a tornado of thoughts and emotion.
 — sparrow

Finally someone recognises the duality of this poem...

Unfortunately, interest has died.

[Teo]
 — teo_omega11

ok I know this is from along time ago but Im gonna coment on it anyway. Its nice I like it alot.
 — SilverScreen

I love this.  Not a fan of crossed word kind of format but it works very well.  

I never commented on this because I don't recall seeing it, teo.
 — Isabelle5

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