poetry critical

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>                                  at
                                times all
                               I can think
           as                       o
       they fly                  o
    through the               o  
      blue sky                  n
         they                      s
        t                                           fly
        u                                       far away
         r                                    dear balloon
          e                                    I’d like to
           m                                     watch
             y                                       y
             e                                     o    
            y                                     u
          e                                       f  

1 Feb 06

Rated 9.5 (9.1) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 9, 10
Inactive (32): 4, 5, 6, 6, 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(8 more poems by this author)

(8 users consider this poem a favorite)

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what the frick is this?
 — unknown

that is a nice picture you made out of some words,    not a poem

 — unknown

i like it.
 — inutile

It's a *shape* poem guys.

 — unknown

 — unknown

 — GalvanicGirl

poem???? ergh Im missing the point of all this
 — unknown

i don't like the capitals. i think this would look better without them, or, if you must have them, only at the very start of the poem.
 — inutile

Edited! Yay! I shall now try it without the capitals
 — GalvanicGirl

whadday think?
 — GalvanicGirl

oh, this is so damn awesome; three times as much as before, in fact.
 — inutile

Yay! More balloons=more lurve!

I swear, I've never been this hyper in my life
 — GalvanicGirl

well, if it produces poems like this, i'm glad you're hyper at this time of your life.
 — inutile


I'm going to go outside and run around now.

Perhaps I shall talk to you tomorrow?
 — GalvanicGirl

 — inutile

I absolutely love love love these balloons.......even more of them with similarly lovely words would be even more brill....:-)

 — unknown

nice shape, lazy ccontect
 — unknown

i thought the content was rather wistful and relaxed, not lazy at all.
 — inutile

fair point, I retract
 — unknown

nice additions!
 — unknown

this is awesome
it makes me feel like i'm floating away
 — sparrow

shapes are wonderful. Balloon captions very nice but the one on the readers' right
could be elevated somewhat ( not the balloon, but the message within).
 — unknown

This should be published in a children’s book (and I don’t mean that in a Simon Cowel way!) I can really see this being used in a primary education classroom to spark the imagination of the kids doing creative writing. Good work.
 — hobby

uno mas ballooooon
 — unknown

 — starr

I love it. =)
 — fallinforyou

this is lovely
 — starshade

helium overdose. 10 overdose
 — unknown

it's so whimsical and sweet - my only prob. is that i had a bit of a problem reading some of the strings and i don't think that's your intention, but hat's off (and floating away) for creativity and saying something in a different way to me.
 — opal

sorry about misuse of apostrophe in 'hats'
 — opal

 — unknown

this is very pretty (content and shape wise) and i can only imagine it took forever to space correctly.  inutile's description as "wistful and relaxed" fits this well, very nice.  however, i must say i can't help but notice that these balloons floating away also strongly resemble sperm racing off the page.
somebody had to say it.  not that that's a bad thing, just don't think it was your intent.  hey, could be double entendre??  or something??  ha

:) but good job, i like this.
 — woman_power

Danke everybody.

I suppose it may indeed be both a helium *and* a 10 overdose.

Ah well, I shall enjoy it until some anit-balloon person gives it a 1.
 — GalvanicGirl

of course by anit, I mean anti. It's just my way of talking and wasn't a typo at all.

I just wanted to clarify that for y'all.   (:
 — GalvanicGirl

 — Cloudless

it's neat I like it
 — xtormentedx

globe? i don't like that word in the context of this poem. i think "orb" might be a better word, but then the shape will be out, so how about changing "fair" to "milky". will that fit?
 — inutile

i liked the 3 balloons version.
mayhaps the language was simple. but it worked.
4 balloons has alienated me. simple now seems syrupy.
 — kaleidazcope

becoming a virus, stay to 3
 — unknown

oh cool!

i love this

 — unknown

alas, 'tis three again.
 — GalvanicGirl

I've never taken shape poems seriously as poems.  But I suppose they are a good exercise, and this one makes me smile.
 — housepoppy

Utterly enchanting!  The format fits the poem, the words fit the title, it's easy to read.  This is just about the perfect 'sculpture" poem!
 — Isabelle5

i love your poem.
 — bettalpha

i don't like all the oooo's though. so i'm ignoring them.
 — bettalpha

I suppose you must ignore them, I can't, after-all, have too short a line on my first balloon.  

Plus, I always say balloons that way, with a drawn out ooooo.

It's fun.

You should try it.
 — GalvanicGirl

Spell it with me:





You're really horrible, you know that?
 — unknown

i love this

it makes me wanna commit tadpole sex
 — unknown

now that this is number one

i really hate it
 — unknown

nice baloons. you're a cute one.
 — unknown

This is nice to look at, nothing special to read however.
 — Rousseau

I like this
 — FailuresArt

imagination and creativity  all in one  nice
 — morbidmalace

this definately captures my eye. nice.
 — sodapop

I hate it at first too, do you like it any better now that it's fifteenth?
 — GalvanicGirl

Thank you for the spelling lesson

And for mental images of tadpole sex

And for hating it

And for calling me cute

And for noticeing my words are inadequate

And for liking it

And for thinking it's imaginative *and* creative

And for letting it capture your eye.
 — GalvanicGirl

You have a beautiful attitude
 — unknown

 — unknown

Thank you muchly
 — GalvanicGirl

wow so many people
 — unknown

The words arent too special, but if they were, I think they would take away the whole, well, innocent nature of the poem. It is about something that all children love; the simple language adds to that,  makes it a complete work. Asking for more would make it like, coloring in a crayon book with oil paints. Which is to say, flowery language should go with flowery topics, and this poem is perfect.
 — katt

pretty poem and i can see baloons! wow!
 — ProzacNation

ballons even
 — ProzacNation

I do love to see this poem in the top 15
 — unknown

Ahhh, my poem the coloring book. Nice.

Thank you, PN, you make me laugh.

A question to unknown: Why?
 — GalvanicGirl

if it's not too much trouble, i'd move the second balloon up a few lines ;)
 — inutile

haha! that's gonna take some serious tweaking.

I shall embark immediately.


crap. I must sign back in.

It never ceases to amaze me how lazy I am.
 — unknown

nice idea but terrible writing. try not to compensate for lack of verbal ideas with graphic presentation. try to heighten both.
 — unknown

woo! It has been moved.

Is the writing really terrible? It's simple, yes, as is the subject, as is the format, as was my way of thinking when writing it.  I'm not going to fill up pretty shapes with long-winded, flowery words that the target audience (namely, my nephew,) won't even understand.

I apologize if my terrible words offend you.

Do you have any suggestions?
 — GalvanicGirl

this is really odd.
 — unknown

i don't know if it's a different unknown each time, or the same one, but i suggest you just ignore them.

although i was serious with my last suggestion, i didn't think you'd actually do it.

 — inutile

oh It's okay. I didn't like them on the top rated list anyway. It kinda  made me nervous all the time.

This way, only people who want to find them, and know how to, will be able to.

Thank you for all your help, Inutile, you've been wonderful
 — GalvanicGirl

Your attitude is as high-flying as your balloons. I mean that in the best way possible. Don't let the jealous and the spiteful bring you down.
 — unknown

Thank you, unknown, wise advice that I shall try my hardest to follow.
 — GalvanicGirl

This was a pleasure to stumble upon. Usually I shy away from shape poems but you little ballooony wooonies just blew me away. I think your text is gormless blah but yet I still like this. It makes me smile and envy your little creation which will surely waft on forever in our hearts.
 — unknown

i'll miss you around this site. i hope your class helps you with your writing, and that you will drop by here occasionally.
 — inutile

This is really highly-rated by over twenty people, but it's not on the top 15 list, Why is that?
 — unknown

Think about it. It's really not impossible to figure out. Think about the options we have when we post and edit a poem.
 — borntodance

What does that have to do with it being on the top rated list?
 — unknown

The author is keeping this off the top-rated. That's right. She doesn't want it there to be pierced with malicious holes.


( She's an excellent poet and a clever girl)
 — unknown

Oh, haha, I never noticed that check box before.  I understand her motive, though.  People can be malicious, as you say.
 — unknown

me to sssay

they fly away with my heart.
 — unknown

Yo wat up "g"tis cool.. :)
 — unknown

painting with words. this is poetry. peace.
 — lazyduck187

This is so lovely both poetically and visually
 — larrylark

 — Lella

Beautiful balloons -- a creative use of the carmenfiguratum form of poetics.
 — AlchemiA

Wow... another great concrete poem.  Keep up the good work!
 — aforbing