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What the hell is karma?
bear

Once when I was younger,
 1
I worked in a brick yard.
 2
There were cute, stray
 3
kittens wandering about.
 4
 
 
Now my boss told a
 5
Vietnam Vet that worked there
 6
to get rid of them.
 7
This man picked one up
 8
right in front of my boss
 9
and snapped it's neck.
 10
 
 
Later that month
 11
a bunch of bricks
 12
fell on that man
 13
and he died.
 14

9 Feb 06

Rated 7 (7) by 1 users.
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Comments:

no, get rid of it. You shouldn't have to explain a poem. Also it gives your piece a logic flaw. karma, means goes around comes around and then you say it didn't.  If you want to use that idea, that's cool, but it does not go with this piece. thanks for posting...
 — Trish77

Get rid of the last stanza, and maybe consider changing the title. In writing this poem you describe what karma is, so in the title you shouldn't be asking what it is.  A cool write; a different idea.
 — fallinforyou

The first two stanzas are excellent, totally engaging from the get-go.  I'd definitely drop the last stanza, and also consider whether or not you want to have the reader focus on the Vet.  I'd rather know what the narrator did.
Thanks,
 — mikkirat

makes more sense to me if you ditch the last stanza
but also change 'died' to 'drowned'

i have big IQ and queu tipped tits do you?
 — unknown

take out the last stanza now. the rest is great. It does need another stanza though, nice job anyway.
 — adiscodancer

Interesting with a strange retributional feel.I'd get rid of the 2nd stanza then the poor little kitty witty would still be alive.

Larry RSPCA Lark
 — unknown

life teaches you.
no need for 'once' in line 1.
maybe this is too simple?
argh, i'm in a fucking shitty mood.
 — unknown

Definitely lose the last stanza or rework it - it jars what is a good poem
 — Mercedes

i took out the last stanze.

sorry your in a shitty mood unknown!

if only this didn't happen larry!
 — bear

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