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Withdrawal (Detox cut short)
starryme

Craving
 1
she called the police and convinced them
 2
she was here against her will
 3
she was here as a captive
 4
she was here without control
 5
 
 
only one of those three was right
 6
and that caused the other two
 7
to stumble from her mouth
 8
like toddlers learning to
 9
walk down stairs
 10
 
 
i ran home in the rain
 11
in my nice skirt
 12
and lowcut shirt
 13
that i had worn to work
 14
for some et cetera dinner party
 15
id now be late to
 16
 
 
my bare feet burned holes
 17
in the pavement, as i
 18
held flipflops intertwined
 19
through fingertips
 20
 
 
i contemplated hitch hiking
 21
every stranger driving past
 22
gave me one less chance
 23
of getting there
 24
before she left
 25
 
 
and when i finally arrived
 26
i cant remember a word
 27
the police said
 28
 
 
i cant recall what
 29
we managed in response
 30
 
 
all i remember is watching her
 31
with nervously flicking fingers
 32
with pacing feet
 33
with frantic feverish eyes
 34
tattered hair and house shorts
 35
now soaked from the rain
 36
 
 
and how her eyes kept wandering
 37
from the cop, to her car
 38
"this is all i can do to make things right"
 39
she stuttered under her breath
 40
but all she had the strength to do
 41
was make things more
 42
wrong than before
 43

5 Aug 03

Rated 9 (6.8) by 1 users.
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Comments:

I had to read this several times (not because I didn't get it, but because I loved it). This was simply wonderful; I wouldn't change a thing. I particularly liked "my bare feet burned holes in the pavement" -such a fresh way to put it instead of the other way around. Hats off to you.
 — Ananke

line 36...man, I know that feeling. good job.
 — onklcrispy

great. you should be an editor for COPS and transform it into a beautiful show. i like the almost-rhymes, appropriate to the confusion.
 — gnormal

I am right inside the racing heart of both the withdrawee and the one trying to keep her there. I like the last three lines since you realize that this person is in a circle she can't break.
 — Isabelle5

Excellent first 2 stanzas - good dramatic structure - a little obvious at the end perhaps, maybe you don't need to spell out that which is obvious, but that may be being too fussy. Love the running back idea as well.
 — susanna15

i was about to post a criticism, but then i realized that im a nitpicker, and that its great how it is. thank you for restoring my faith in coffeehouse. (you leave for a couple months, and everything goes to hell...)
 — thinknerd

powerful- im not saying that because of the subject. The delivery was beautiful however distraught.
 — treerain

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