poetry critical

online poetry workshop



open up the sky. (HOUSEPOPPY EDITION)
midare

horizontal dissonance—  
 1
  
 2
sun-meeting-moon  
 3
in daylight  
 4
nightlife splayed out  
 5
in spotlight  
 6
to be read  
 7
with lament for all  
 8
  
 9
those forgotten  
 10
  
 11
a cadence onward  
 12
upward  
 13
noiseless breath exhales  
 14
  
 15
patience  
 16
  
 17
(fails) to wait and wonder
 18
why not simply  
 19
crease and float downward
 20
happily
 21
 
 
spiraling after?
 22

edited by: poppy and maria.

15 Feb 06

Rated 6 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 6, 9, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(77 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Beautiful words by midare.  ? at end of 22?
 — housepoppy

good catch (yet again.)
 — midare

wonderful spinning feeling I get from that, the exquisite-ness of language, onklcrispy is right when he says there are so many ways to write something, so many words, so many meanings ... you seem to have layed your words down in this poem very carefully, tenderly

I would do away with the period at the end of the title, just personal reference
and yes, the question mark at the end of 22, was it a question mark to begin with?
very effective line breaks.

I love what you do with language, midare, always have been amazed
thank you
maria
 — slancho

Yes the speaker in the poem is experiencing something-- a floating, vaporous emotion.  But the poet has not taken the reader into her confidence.  It is impossible to feel what she feels because the experience is not grounded in common images.  The reader is left to ask where, when, what.  I can tell that you are emotional but I cannot see, hear or touch that which has transported you. L14 contains the only concrete phrasing. The rest is intriguing but vague.
 — mcverse

Hey. this is very Ellioty.. and very good.
 — gingerdave

0.645s