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AIKYÔGEN
noodleman

You, too, felt the weakness in her glistening
 1
feral eyes, smelled her fear and longing, so
 2
 
 
shall we dance, you and I? Duel like two
 3
will-o’-the-wisps before dawn, slit-eyes
 4
 
 
crackling like kindling fresh-licked clean
 5
by fickle flames? Yes. I see you, as well,
 6
 
 
wear the mask of Shikami: teeth sharp,
 7
dull-gilt; skin ruddy, rough, and crows feet
 8
 
 
the color of dried blood; and so we are drawn
 9
together at the site of the same pungent kill.
 10
 
 
The decayed in me salutes the decayed
 11
in you, i, we are one, are two but she
 12
 
 
is mine, beautiful.
 13

17 Feb 06

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
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Inactive (10): 2, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

I don't think I will ever know what is going to make me
read this poem four more times with the same awe.
 — thirdeyris

je rougis!
 — noodleman

Hey noodle.

This has got the rythm of a clash of blades.  A sense of impending violence, but they may duel without actual steel--dialogue.

I don't think you need to set off "too" with commas.  How else could it be read?

The dash in line 5 looks too much like a hyphen.  Try a double.

I think you need a comma after two--line 12

I am enjoying the speculation over whether "she" is the play/story or the female mask or the actor in the leading female role.  I'm leaning towards the story.
In the end, there can be only one (AIKYÔGEN)?

As usual, I marvel at the crafting of your lines.
 — housepoppy

i don't get this

is this missing an obergine?

oh wait. ref. to eliot. so amend that to: oberman

oh dang. i just realiced somthing real smelly
 — unknown

L6 "as well" could be read more easily as "also", with the commas removed.
 — inutile

i read your poem, happy now? now go read mine (bitch)
 — inutile

sharp images and unusual references. I like your understated victor's cry at the end. I also enjoy the ambivalence of the passion. I don't think the "i" is essential in line 12.
 — borntodance

a little too predatory for my liking
 — unknown

thanks borntodance

YOU + I = WE is the math of it, so, for me, I do need I.

housepoppy: i cant believe you said 'there can be only one.' i had that line in the back of my head whilst writing this. you are spooky. and thank you. you understand, i think, the poem well. and i marvel at you too so cut it out. :P
 — noodleman

unk: no obergine missing. maybe an uberman.

unk2: we are all predatory--some active some passive. this illustrates the psychophysics of that, thats all. i am no more a predator than you. i just use strong language to describe the phenomenon.

your comment is funny actually. apparently the decayed in you recognizes the decayed in me. :)
 — noodleman

This motherfucker is back, hm?
How. very. interesting.

-ramher
 — unknown

hi ramher and fuck you too! :)
 — unknown

NOW WHERED YOU GO ASSLICK
 — noodleman

I dono if I like the capslock or not. Is it broken? Oh, I have posts; they're just hidden. :)

SO ANYWAY. I HAVEN'T REALLY LOOKED MUCH AT THIS POEM MOSTLY JUST SAW THAT IT SAID NOODLEMAN, AND I WAS LIKE SHIT I KNEW HE WOULD BE BACK SOONER OR LATER. I'M SURE THE PRE-TEEN GIRLS ARE EXCITED.

OH WELL, IT'S GOOD TO HAVE TO BACK. YOU ARE A VERY UM... CREATIVE... FELLAH.

-RAMHER
 — unknown

you moody son of a goat, consider the last line to read something: but her beautiful is mine.
 — unknown

hi thanks!
 — noodleman

hey
 — noodleman

badjoke.


blah
 — unknown

blah yourself
 — noodleman

my teratoma's first words were : noodleman!

cp
 — unknown

I don't know AIKYÔGEN and had to c and p just to get that title here.  Shikami I can handle. In fact I eat a lot of shikami in sandwiches.   OK, so I don't know the references and won't google until later.  No matter. The poem is self-supporting.  It's sexed and savage and damn well highly styled as some sort of exotic dance.  Very cool.  What more?   Linguini!
 — netskyIam

Chills.  I would take that dance. And lead.
 — rainn

jus donstep on my feets
 — noodleman

i read this. i have nothing clever to say. i was tempted to type nothing then you would not know i read this and had nothing clever to say. then i could keep up the illusion or at least the self delusion of my own image which is fading while i type. i should now type "what i thought" of this but i'm drawing a blank. i could just say "i liked this" (true) or "this sucked" (not true). i suppose i could make off handed suggestions about what i think should "happen" (in quotation marks) or just make a comment that uses the word i a lot. i a lot. i do i a lot. a lot of i is a lot. i. me. it's all about me. why can't we be talking about me? i wrote something once. itwasgoodormaybeitsucked. i'mrunningnow. can'tyouseemerunforthehills?

soon it'll be sunny. and we can embark on our wibble. areyounearlyreadyforme?
 — kaleidazcope

for you always ready poppet
 — noodleman

my teratoma has more teeth and hair than me.
 — unknown

Yes I like this, it’s got me thinking...

Is this a simple story of being drawn to that part of us that we usually repress – a psychological tale?

The title, an interlude, so is this a brief affair?

In the end she is yours, but why? Did you win her?

Were you drawn to her through pity (the first stanza) or through looks (last line?)

Is she the same person whom dawns the Shikami?

Are you also that person? Again a tale of inner conflict? – perhaps I should stop reading Freud.

Yes good work
Rgds
 — hobby

Stunning.
 — Esztel

thanks hobby yes and yes and no.
 — unknown

thanks  Esztel
 — noodleman

yes.
 — noodleman

Nice.
 — unknown

thanks
 — noodleman

do u know i usually read this piece once a week. I'm at awe how you make the dialogue fit.  
 — crepaway

aw shucks creps ya does me embarassed and ya awes me allatime

please read death by thirty minute increments and laughtrack?
 — noodleman

any more crits?
 — noodleman

ha guess not
 — noodleman

The allusion to Shikami lost me there, but apparently he/she/it has masks of her/his/its face. It really is well written...and has a sharp edge to it I think. I've never dueled like a will-o-the-wisp, but it sounds violent. The poem sounded very magical too.
Oh, about that last part: "...are two but she is mine, beautiful." Is "beautiful," Shakami? I'm just guessing here...I have no clue here. Whether I know or not, it is still a sharp poem, well-written. I like how you mentioned will-o-the-wisps. They're cool!
 — MrChris

shikami: noh mask (japanese theatre) fierce scowling face, showing extreme agitation, used for demonic spirit.

will-o'-the-wisps: ghostly lights, with the ability to lead people to their doom, are sometimes said to be the will of the wisps, hence, "will o' the wisps"


thanks, mister chris
 — noodleman

also, aikyogen tell the behind the scenes story in a noh play, in the entre-acte
 — noodleman

fantastico
 — unknown

there are extensions of this read in other venues. they involve happy-clapping meat and calypso. as a poem it reads like these are supposed to read, and you'll have much success with this when you're still reading it to coffee house poets twenty years from now. it's timeless, or maybe just overtime.

"the decayed in me salutes you:
decayed we are one, but two,
mine and beautiful"

that's the disco mix.
 — mikebauer

.That's an affirmative.  Melikes.
 — JKWeb

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