poetry critical

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On Van Gogh's "Wheatfield With Crows"

I'll someday find a wiser way to walk
than this, I hope, and may I not retreat
behind the doors which I have long left locked.
I have tarried long among these stalks,
attempting to squeeze water from the heat.
I'll someday find a wiser way to walk.
I've tried stealing seconds from the clock,
gleaning from the reapers, storing wheat
behind the doors which I have long left locked.
I've listened to the whispers, heard the talk
of they who thought I should admit defeat.
I'll someday find a wiser way to way to walk.
I paint the field surrounded by a flock
of crows. They flutter to my face to beat
behind the doors which I have long left locked
They break the chambers in my mind and mock
the things they find and leave me incomplete.
I'll someday find a wiser way to walk
behind the doors which I have long left locked.

9 Aug 03

Rated 6.5 (7.9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 3, 10
Inactive (12): 5, 6, 6, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10

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Tarry no longer, Ananke; this poem is a work unified in theme and intent. Good job.
 — Moth

Nice to see a ball breaker of a form like the vilanelle is still alive with something to say.
 — susanna15

I liked the first stanza, especially line 2. It has a much differnet tone than the rest of the poem. I'd like the poem better if you had stuck to that pattern....it's how you phrased that second line that caught me. That line stands out, the phrasing of the rest of the poem is plain.
 — inashadow

The rhyme scheme is terrific and not an easy thing to accomplish. Good work! -Sam
 — unknown

inashadow- i don't know, I kind of wanted the phrasing to be plain. Villanelles are stuffy enough without flowery language, you know?

 — unknown

I like the repetition of "I'll someday find a wiser way to walk"

finally someone mentioning Van Gogh in a poem!
 — SeraphSoul

this is unbelievable. this is my favorite poem on the site so far. i've always found this painting to be especially touching; i heard that this is van gogh's "second self-portrait"-- an aimless dirt road wandering through a wheat field with crows overhead. i loved the way this poem captured van gogh's message. well done, ananke. -root
 — unknown

allow me to login so you get the rating this deserves!
 — root

Great poem... great structure and rythm.
 — boothben

I never heard that about it being a second self portrait, root, but it certainly makes a lot of sense. For a long time I thought that this was the last painting he'd done before he died, but, on researching, I found that it was just an myth. There's a Japanese movie by Akira Kurosawa, called "Dreams"... in part of it a man is looking at this painting in a museum and suddenly walks right into it. It's definitely one of my favorite paintings.
 — Ananke

I like this a lot. Agood structure expresses well the sad inevitability of that great painters final hours. Have you seen Francis Bacons paintings of Van Gogh on his way to paint in the fields These works express something of the despair he felt .
 — larrylark

Please define villanelle. I'm ignorant. In the meantime, I'm going to check out the Van Gogh site. I have a feeling that if he were a poet, he would have been on this site. And of course some Unknown would have thought him terrible!
 — Isabelle5

I have seen those paintings, larrylark, and I do like them a lot.
 — Ananke

Isabelle - A villanelle is a form of poetry which has a strict rhyme scheme and repeated lines (my favorite is "Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas). You can check this out for details http://www.baymoon.com/~ariadne/form/villanelle.htm
 — Ananke

Be very careful posting work here. A highschool student submitted this very poem today (11/20/03) as his own for an assignment in his creative writing class. One of his classmates was villigant and notified me of the attmpted plagarism, so he won't receive credit. You all may want to consider only posting these works temporarily to avoid having them "stolen."

Mrs. Le Clair, English Teacher
 — unknown

Are you serious? People can really steal the poetry on this site?
 — Hmm

oh, wow that makes me sad

I don't want to have to remove all my poetry from the internet. But perhaps I'll have to.
 — Ananke

That would be a tragedy, Ananke. You write such beautiful poetry.
 — unknown

This is FABULOUS.  Great job!  I love form poems, in case you didn't alread know that about me.
 — aforbing

Great poem. Such a lovely read.
 — elysium

I appreciate something about this. Perhaps that it is so, and you are strong enough to be optimistic or that it will just be. The voice is willing. The resolve, a painter who never ceased. A woman who will be released. Line 15, maybe against. Behind doesn't make sense location-wise, and unlocked feels too blah for the last word. How about unopened? Very artistic and intriguing.
 — C

P.S.Thank you for catching, and not giving the thieving student credit, and I hope a little more discipline was enforced. It's understandable, and yet... I don't feel at peace with that minor punishment. The student at the least should be made to place an apology and his/her word that it won't happen again if he/she wants to pass the term.
 — C

Check out my villanelle some time:  "Not a man of the Cloth".
You might get a kick out of it.
 — aforbing

Fantasmachristical scrumdeliciousness.
 — noodleman

Very heavy to read but not a bad thing well written. I like. Especially its title.
 — Opinion

I did not plan on doing any crits tonight--to tired to be sharp.  But slant rhymes aside (I actually like your choices) I don't think I've got any criticism for you, just accolades: bravo. very well done.  I had to log in when I saw how woefully underrated this is.
 — housepoppy

C- I can't really change the words in those lines, as they are repeated lines which cannot be changed according to the form...

opinion - i'm glad you like the title? I'll title more things "untitled"

thank you very much noodleman and  housepoppy :)
 — Ananke

I didn't mean to imply that you should change them.  I love it as is.

 — unknown

no, that part was to C, not you housepoppy :P
 — Ananke

Oh, I see that now.  Having an off day (week).
 — housepoppy

Ananke, what a treat. I have recently posted my first attempt at the villanelle form - much can be learned from reading this. In fact this has also helped me on an older sonnet I have been struggling with - many many thanks!.
 — hobby