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Last night I dreamt of pain
Physical, emotional,
I stepped out from the shower
Onto shaking legs
And sunk to the tiles below.
Red flesh was burning.
They swarmed me.
Hundreds- no, thousands-
Of ((invisible)) bugs…
Scratching, biting, yearning
To get in.
Like my fingernails clawing
Across his tightly stretched skin.
Kicking, screaming,
Ripping my hair…
Can anyone hear me?
Does anyone care?
I surrendered.
I had no choice.
They had no pity
And I had

I don't like this much, but there are certain lines that I do like a lot.  I would love some suggestions on how to pull it together and polish it into something better.  Thanks.

24 Feb 06

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
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I like all of it, save the last stanza - it's good, but I prefer (when I read it) to end on 'Voice'.

 — CervusWright

Line 12: To get in or out?
Oh how I wish I didn't perfectly understand you.
 — rainn

Cervus: Thanks for the suggestion!  I took out the last stanza.  I hadn't even thought about it, but it does sound better without it.  Ah..how I love this site.

Rainn: yearning to get in.  The bugs are on the outside.  They're yearning to get in.  I suppose I'm the one yearning to get out.

Thanks guys.
 — likeavirus

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