poetry critical

online poetry workshop



A commentary on "being careful what you wish for"
bear

The monkey said to God,
 1
"I want a brain."
 2
 
 
"A brain?" said God.
 3
"That can bring pleasure
 4
or pain."
 5
 
 
Our primate friend did not care
 6
he said "all I am is flesh and hair."
 7
 
 
So God said "yes, but
 8
you'll make this world
 9
a huge mess."
 10
 
 
Always God was right
 11
and little monkey can't sleep at night.
 12

27 Feb 06

Rated 6 (8.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (3): 6, 8, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(199 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

This is a great truth, indeed.
Most of the time people are not aware about what they desire! If they did, they would be more careful.
I liked this poem of yours!
 — MaiteF

very nice and i loved teh creativity in it koodos to you
 — unknown

The rhyme scheme is kind of rought, but I laughed all the way through it!! Nice topic, I like it very, very much.
 — KaraQ

this as most of your other poems is thoughtful and you're wit is sharp and sarcastic....

i definately like it.

oh and i finally broke down and joined the site....

~sister bear
 — rubytuesday

so you're his sister? hooray for my sluething skills, once again.

(i checked your profile, as i do most new people here, i saw "kerr" in your email, and immediately thought of bear).

but i didn't say anything cos i was too lazy.
 — inutile

great poem, but work the line breaks a bit more to improve the rhyme. as it is, it's not subtle enough, but not neat, either.
 — inutile

nice reply to gnorm's piece.
 — unknown

thanks for all of your comments.

what was gnorm's piece, unknown?
 — bear

This is the ACME of your poetry career.
 — unknown

i do not know what that means unknow...
 — bear

I love this poem! bc i like monkeys! theres so fun, e e eeek eeek ee ee eek ooo oo o I love you!
 — unknown

Not great poetry but slightly funny.
 — Isabelle5

It's a good poem.
 — Meep

you are right isabelle, it could be better written. i am a little blocked up right now.

thanks meep!
 — bear

Not seeing much sharp wit with this.
Mildly amusing at best.
 — SeanConnery

eh, true mr. connery. but i like the word mildly.
 — bear

God, bear, how much I've missed your short insights!
 — wendz

mmm thanks? made the change
 — bear

I love this poem.

I do.

Thanks for posting it!!
 — Mic2

haha i liked this
 — psychofemale

0.639s