poetry critical

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Green Grass

im allright
over the hills with the sunlight
now falling on top of the green
button press
open the shade
wash your face
step into the world
with that great dream in your head
hold on
to it
its not going to get that good here
touched face and the mirror
for sale today
pushed for the money
step, step, smile
shake hands and fall over in your head
... what a beautiful dream
"hey wake up, dumbass"
snap out of it and apologize
so good at waiting
in this rut
im just saying...
i wish heaven were real.
dark now
going home
cracked sidewalk
heart's still beating
undress and yawn
button press
im alright
over the hills with the sunlight
now falling
on top the
green ...
green grass

18 Aug 03

Rated 7 (7.1) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (9): 1, 4, 5, 5, 7, 7, 9, 10, 10, 10

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Oh, what a fun poem to read. Pepsi for breakfast, a wonderful dream to take you through the day.
 — Isabelle5

Interesting view of a world....
 — BloodDrip

This poem sounds cool when read aloud, it seems to have a flow to it. The message I'm not so sure I understand, but I have my own interpretations. It may just be all the thoughts that run through your head in the morning, for the thoughts are all so diverse. Well done.~Chris King 10/10
 — FrChris

This was a really shallow, annoying poem.
 — unknown

thank you
 — Brandxxx

I don't think this site should support drugs.
 — unknown

i dont understand. do you think i take drugs ? ok.
 — Brandxxx

mm..i really like your stuff. its very interesting, very raw, yet it has a lot of finesse.
 — wendz

That was powerful, original style!  I like it!
 — Infrangible

Wow, thats a incredible poem on so many levels.
 — Andrew

Rather quotidian, if you ask me.
 — noodleman