poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Way of the End Game

dreams are a
bus stop
faith is a skeleton key
to ignorance.
I feel tortured against
the slam
of a forbodding world
but I know these statements
to be true
in the depths
of my mind.
fate is a ploy
and tears are for toys
don't you think
I feel the metallic
undercurrent of an idea
gone wrong
but I strive to compose
myself within the confines
of a world I dont agree with
for what rewards do I
have to look forward
so is the way of the End Game
we live and we play
within this place
knowing these things to be
but what
in the
fuck can
you do?

20 Aug 03

Rated 8 (5.3) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 4, 4, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


oh god. please find an original way of asking this question.
 — unknown

oh god. say something constructive or dont post anonymously.
 — Brandxxx

seems constructive to me
 — unknown

so much has been written about death being the only thing there is to look forward to in life it is getting boring.
 — unknown

And so 'eh' is constructive criticism just because you sign in to leave it?
 — unknown

your right who ever you are. thank you sir may i have another
 — Brandxxx

because i said the word death in my poem you think that im saying its the only way out? you missed the point completely but dont bother reading it again because im sure you'll say something stupid.
 — Brandxxx

can't take criticism? you are in the wrong place then.
 — unknown

I have noticed your instruction to another poet on this board to 'learn to spell dude.' I think you should take your own advice -'forbodding' is not in any dictionary I own. By the way , how to punctuate is often a good lesson to learn as well, not to mention the workings of metre and syntax. Mastery of these tend to stop your poems looking like disjointed, self-indulgent ramblings.
 — unknown

foreboding - and i doubt whether it is used in the right context in this poem.
 — unknown

thats cool you may be right i'll cut the hostility and agree with you that if i cant take the criticism then im in the wrong place. but im new here so please excuse me for being a bit hostile. i thank you for the constructiveness of your criticisms. i'll check forboding out maybe it is being used wrong. also it was a slight mistake in spelling on my part, thank you for pointing it out. what is your name anyway?
 — Brandxxx

its just that i would like to read some of your work.
 — Brandxxx

Brandxx - that was my comment that started off with "foreboding - and I doubt..."
Foreboding means a feeling that something bad is going to happen. I wasn't entirely sure if that is what you meant or if you might be referring to a 'forbidding world' which would mean looking dangerous or unpleasant.
Some of the nasty comments that come across are from 'internet passersby' and I don't pay much attention to them unless they have something worthwhile to say. Keep writing. -Sam
 — unknown

ok i thought it might be something i hadn't thought of but yeah thats the way i meant to use the word not forbidding. but thanks for looking out. also thats good advice. thanks sam
 — Brandxxx

I liked it...

my favorite part was:
"fate is a ploy 13
and tears are for toys 14"

*thumbs up*

 — Adrielle

personally, i like this a lot. forboding has one d, typos can really mess up a piece of writing. so yeah, please change it. apart from that, i think its pretty good. l1 to l5 is very creative, great imagery. towards the end, it feels less descriptive, breaking the flow of the poem. perhaps shortening 32 to 35 somehow? its great though, the whole concept of this has been written about heaps yes, but you managed to put a different touch to it. tops.
 — wendz

There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the breaks in the poem. Its really distracting. While lines 1-5 are somewhat creative they are kind of disjointed in meaning so its a little odd to put them together like that. I fail to see the connection between skeleton keys and bus stops. It would read better broken up into stanzas because it seems in most of the statements all lumped together they dont have to much to do with each other. Also no one wants to read about you. Try something from a different perspective. Honestly I don't give a flying fuck about anyone who writes about their personal struggle. Give me a character I can sink my teeth into. Maybe bad ass james dean before he wrapped his spider around his spine and blended it all with asfault. Reading about you just isnt doing it for me.
 — InMyBlood