poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Halcyon
Brandxxx

forever sky
 1
under here where the air is clear
 2
like everywhere when the sun
 3
is setting
 4
when the lights are so bright
 5
in this peaceful metropolis
 6
i hear your voices as cars
 7
on a freeway
 8
quietly droning south of here
 9
i feel the night coming on
 10
and i cant help but to stand here
 11
unmoving taking in all of this
 12
future we're careening towards
 13
slowly and quickly
 14
like a human race
 15
ahhhh
 16
sweet smog tainting the sunset
 17
making it so much more beautiful.
 18
the noise of morning has past
 19
and will soon come again
 20
and i think until then i will
 21
marvel and be content
 22
within these Magnificent days
 23
of modern nature.
 24

22 Aug 03

Rated 6 (5.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 5, 6

(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Wups! I couldn't get the children's song "Let's Go Fly A Kite" out of my mind after I read the second line. I did read it twice again though, and one thing that bothered me was the use of "beautiful" in both lines 18 and 23. I, personally, would replace one, or both, with a word less broad and more descriptive. Just a suggestion!
 — unknown

yeah thats a good suggestion. thanks
 — Brandxxx

why capitalize magnificent? Suggestion--rewrite this, and don't use "I" once.
 — unknown

die bitch die.. yes, im talking about barney
 — unknown

0.49s