poetry critical

online poetry workshop



show me your war musket.
topop

the last time i was in boston
 1
we
 2
we mumbled.
 3
down the street.
 4
just a plain street.
 5
no adjectives to describe it.
 6
(shame "plain" is an adjective)
 7
 
 
we ate shrimp.
 8
with cocktail sauce.
 9
it was good.
 10
not great.
 11
just good.
 12
nice bite to it.
 13
could have used some salt.
 14
 
 
it was cold.
 15
not too cold.
 16
(well colder by the ocean)
 17
i wore a windbreaker.
 18
i hate windbreakers,
 19
there's nothing special about them.
 20
mine was bright red.
 21
bright.
 22
really bright.
 23
that was exciting.
 24
 
 
the hotel
 25
wasrightnexttothefirestation.
 26
and believe me,
 27
in boston,
 28
the sirens are louder.
 29
not a ton louder.
 30
but they always just seem quieter in
 31
NYC. maybe just because you never stop
 32
hearing
 33
them.
 34
 
 
boston brags.
 35
some.
 36
not a lot.
 37
but its not like the people there
 38
today
 39
were in the revolutionary war.
 40
show me your war musket.
 41
then i'll think you're special.
 42
special.
 43
 
 
but its a nice city.
 44
bad drivers.
 45
but nice city.
 46

29 Mar 06

Rated 8 (8.2) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8, 8
Inactive (12): 2, 2, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(46 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Great, interesting entertaining cynical amusing. Enjoyed it.
 — gingerdave

wow. good ggoodd job.
 — lazyduck187

i love how... god, alburt camus, i think, is the only way to describe this.

YES, i just used albert camus as an adjective.
 — shakeit

This is a funny poem.  A spelling error in L31.  Should be "quieter" not "quiter."  I'm from Boston my whole life.  I drove a delivery truck in Boston for 9 years.  The drivers are absolutely carnivorous.  You're right.  Thought you might like that adjective.  Really cynical and amusing take on the city I call home.  Next time take the "T."  
 — starr

the title and L41 seem out of place with the rest of the poem cynicism is replaced abruptly with aggression. Other than that good work
 — SolCarloman

terrible title, get a vocabluary, then you won't have to resort to one of the most overused words in the english language
 — flaminhot

i like it too.
the poem is not wellserved by the title.
 — unknown

this poem was originally titled "fucking show me your war musket."
due to the negative comments, ive changed the title.
thanks for all the great comments!
 — topop

Is that so?  I had not read your poem under the old title. I rather like that old title now.
If it relates to the poem (it did), then it was fine.  Never mind complaints.  Do as you like best.  If a person's sane and funny as you are, who's to force them to knuckle under?  I give you a number in compensation for grief others caused.  I like the voice of the poem very much.
 — netskyIam

I thought the original title was awesome minus the "fucking."  "Nice City, Bad Drivers" just doesn't have that same OOMPH that pulled me in to begin with.  I think, however, that the drivers in Connecticut are worse than they are in Massachusetts though.  At least this is what I've been told, and unless the negative comments are constructive, I'd skip right over them.  I forever question how bold some of this critics would be if they were up in my grillpiece (face).  So don't sweat 'em.  Was the hotel you stayed at across from Division Sixteen on Boylston?
 — starr

good poem. i hate boston.
 — noodleman

ok, im changing the title again, just to "show me your war musket." .......
 — topop

30
 — TwixMix12

Nice poem.
 — TwixMix12

Have a ten.
-MEB
 — unknown

Line 40: Should it be "we're"?

I like the rhythm
 — DeathShards

Nicely turned out
 — larrylark

0.342s