| Tony Again
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starr
| No facial hair this time, | 1 |
he'll keep the beard off | 2 |
until the fall. | 3 |
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It's Tony again, | 4 |
Marlboro box sticking out | 5 |
of his back pocket, | 6 |
a red flag. | 7 |
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Wheels turn. | 8 |
I watch him dance | 9 |
into the late september sun, | 10 |
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clumsy denim straps | 11 |
slipping off his bronzed shoulders | 12 |
like a southbound train. | 13 |
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13 Apr 06 |
Rated 9 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8, 9
Inactive (2): 8
(define the words in this poem)
(114 more poems by this author)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
I really love your imagery, I can see the overall straps on a sweat-sheened tan shoulder. It's lovely
— unknown
Thankyou so much for that nice compliment!
— starr
great, i love the mood.
— topop
Thankyou "topop!" Appreciate it.
— starr
it's Tony again
7
a Marlboro box
8
sticking out of his ass pocket
9
like a flag
10
im not feeling that section of the poem-- i like the poem but this part you can make it better.....
— modioperandi
Great imagery ,feel and flow
— larrylark
Thankyou, Larrylark! :-)
— starr
Why do you need to say ass on line 9?
I think its a better poem if you leave it out
of course it loses some of its flag waving
ability but becomes a better poem.
Also the almost ryhme of 5-6 is distracting
can you find a different way to describe this?
As for the rest nice imagery and feel.
— Tentative
Thanks for checking my poem out and for the compliments/comments. I went back and did a revision. I think it reads a lot better now. Thankyou, because had you not commented, I wouldn not have improved the piece. Have a good night. God Bless! Starr
— starr
Thanks for the thanks starr I must go and check out some of your other work, I much prefer editing stuff for people who appreciate it. God bless you as well.
— Tentative
I think I've found a favourite. Good writing, starr!
Sam
— unknown
Awwww...thanks, Sam! This is one of MY personal faves too! Take care!
— starr
Nice poem starr.
I always like reading poems which comprises of minute details
that are missed by the naked eye but not a poet's eye.
I like your attention for detail in this one.
Nice imagery. esp the Marlboro box sticking out of his back pocket.
— trochee
Thanks, Troch! I'm all about the minute details. :-)
— starr
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