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eternity is all yours
insideout

save me.
 1
 
 
i
 2
mistake hope
 3
 
 
for strength to soar
 4
 
 
let go and
 5
i will fall
 6
into you
 7
 
 
over
 8
and over again
 9

a lot like rain...

30 Apr 06

Rated 10 (8.6) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (6): 6, 7, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

beautiful poem
 — varun

i especially like the forming of the rain analogy at the end.
 — varun

thank you varun. a scope for improvement, do u see?
 — unknown

you could get rid of 'my' in line 4 i suppose...
and break it up like so:

save me.

i mistake hope

for strength to soar

let go
and i will fall
into you

over
and over again

a lot like rain...

-v-
 — unknown

i'm wondering who you are.
we have similar styles. i've read this many times and i could swear that i might have written it in another dimension or another life...

-v-
 — unknown

for 6-7 you could also consider:

let go and
i will fall in
into you
 — unknown

thank you. your suggestions helped much.

travel light, even through dimensions or lives or time, for one is bound to find what they left behind.
 — unknown

Damn.. i should have a copyright on that quote! :)
 — unknown

this is really good.
 — listen

thank you listen
 — unknown

thanks for considering my suggestions.
and yeah, you should have copyright... maybe post another poem starting like that?

take it easy.

-v-
 — unknown

and also tell me who you are...
i'd like to read more of your stuff

-v-
 — unknown

such a wonderful poem
 — unknown

thank you unknown.
and varun, its me.. cant you see?! :)
 — unknown

nice poem!

derbygoeshomealoser
 — unknown

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
NOW i see!

-varun who can be slow sometimes-
 — unknown

this is beautiful.
i have never seen rain so clearly before.
 — sparrow

aww... thanks sparrow.
your echo rings loud too. was meaning to tell you that but think i forgot.
 — unknown

you're welcome and thank you too though I still didn't get who you are after reading the above comment...
 — sparrow

wow..this is still beautiful. read it a while ago.. fell in love with it all over again. :)
 — unknown

I really like this one too. L5-7n are the probably the best.
 — UNDERAGELOVE

special.
 — callingcard

thanks a lot unknown, underagelove n callingcard! its always nice when someone comments on a long lost poem. :)
 — unknown

; )
 — fractalcore

i light the light touch in this, suits my tastes.

mostly, the line breaks are effective.

"and" is a weak word to end on, might begin the next line with it instead.

rethink punctuation to be consistent; you're all over the place with that.

i would just write "like rain" without a lot, without the italics, because "a lot" doesn't add a lot and it's such a concise write, and it's crafted well enough you don't need italics.

i hear "i" on the first line, after ., and "mistake hope" as part of S1
 — NicMichaels

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