poetry critical

online poetry workshop



The Right Way to Hug
Maela

I ran into a friend
 1
in the bookstore where he works
 2
 
 
And as we said hello,
 3
I became aware of the imminent hug.
 4
This awareness,
 5
unnatural
 6
made a warm act awkward and uncertain.
 7
 
 
I went to hug him, but he hesitated
 8
and started over,
 9
explaining that it was not
 10
the right way to hug.
 11
 
 
He placed his head
 12
on the left side of mine.
 13
We pressed together warmly and
 14
as we pulled apart he said
 15
the right way to hug was
 16
heart to heart.
 17

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Reposted, but I wanted to keep the comment:

Comments:

I think your line breaks are fine as they are. I would consider adding an "and" to the beginning of l3 ("and as we said hello") as well as experimenting with adding in some periods to add crispness to some of the lines. But I like this imagery. It hints at some hidden feelings...most hugs among friends or aquaintances are pretty casual, but there seems to be a bit more to it here. Nice.
— Catbox

5 May 06

Rated 9.5 (8.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9
Inactive (7): 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(5 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

i absolutely loved this.- k
 — pghpoet

very likable poem
 — violet

Thank you very much for your kind words, pghpoet and violet.
-Author
 — unknown

I adore this. I could "feel" that hug. Great work.
 — marionette

Thank you.
 — Maela

This says so much about what lies between people without overtly stating it .Good poem

Larry stiff upper lip and no hugs please i'm British Lark
 — larrylark

Why thank you so much Larry.

I promise no hugs - only air kisses for you.
 — Maela

intriguing.
 — topop

line 5 - needs to start with a capital - seems out of place.

great - I liked the execution.
R
 — Rousseau

very sweet, I wanna hug like that
 — marieF

Good catch Rousseau. Thanks - changed.

marieF - thank you.
 — Maela

I just hugged my friend again today and realized I had reversed the hug procedure by mistake in this poem. I've fixed it now, for anyone who wanted to try hugging this way, now you know. Oops!
 — Maela

Well i was drawn to this piece by the title and realized how the poem completely identifies and elaborates it.
This is honest true poem. after reading this one... i feel the urge of checking out some of your other poems too. will do :D
An 8.
 — trochee

alas, maela has long since departed Trochee. i for one miss her presence.
 — Esoteric

Oh thats badddd. I havent spoken to her... but in a strange way.. already missing her.
y?????
 — trochee

i don't know. i don't think i've ever asked her. she's a good friend of mine. i'll find out.
 — Esoteric

I bet that guy uses that pick-up line on all the cute girls. He sounds like a really obnoxious lothario that most guys probably can't stand. Well executed, but somewhat sappy. That guy sounds like a dork. Should their be quotes around what he said as he pulled away? Just a thought. 8/10
 — Henry

"my sabbatical was over so I had to abandon the bohemian lifestyle of lounging all day and writing poems. then my computer died"

this is what Maela told me when i asked her. so there you have it Trochee.
 — Esoteric

Thnx esoteric...

thnx for following up on it...

i hope someday my sabbatical gets over too. thnx
 — trochee

very nice.
now i'll have to
relearn the gesture.
 — fractalcore

just revisiting.

...beautiful...
: )
 — fractalcore

Thank you for your comments, fractalcore. :)
 — Maela

pleasure's all mine, Maela.

thanks for your poetry.
: )
 — fractalcore

He's not only a good hugger, but we both have matching massage certifications.

He's just a love.
 — thirdeyris

Recent Best (expand)
    0.312s