poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Rush Hour
bear

I do not
 1
like to drive
 2
by car accidents.
 3
 
 
Not because of
 4
the usual reasons
 5
damage to property,
 6
injury,
 7
or death.
 8
 
 
The reason I
 9
do not like to
 10
see a smashed
 11
up car is
 12
 
 
because it is
 13
an innconvience
 14
to me and my
 15
fellow motorists.
 16

17 May 06


(define the words in this poem)
(199 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

not really poem-y -- interesting thought, though.
 — WordsAndMe

I like it AFTER the accident.  I got a huge bus spring that was left behind, spraypainted it chrome and now I have a giant spiral on my coffee table.  Yay!  As for the poem, it's more of an opinion than it is anything else.  The opinion is my opinion as well.  People who drive are just so carnivorous.  
 — starr

i think this is a poem. i mean thoughts and opinions are what make up poetry. i think.
 — bear

3 past car accidents (i think)
4 spellcheck
6 no need for of
14 spellcheck

as for whether it is a poem, it is if you say it is, but i would like to see some language twists, some example of poetic devices. whether it be by using enjambment -- to make a statement in one line, and then changing the perception of that line, by the statement that follows. or by using metaphor, similie, assonance or alliteration.
 — unknown

Lines 9-12 seem unnecessary and repetitive. We know as a reader the if you don't like to see smashed up cars for the usual reasons, there must be another reason. And I don't think it's necessary to state, "the reason I do not like to see a smashed up care is because..." I've been told that when writing essays, just start right in with the topic; don't announce "this paper is about..." The overall poem seemed "slow" to me...mainly because of lines 9-12.

it's because it's
an innconvenience
to me and my
fellow motorists.

Just my thought on it Bear. Not a horrible poem though. Don't worry.
 — MrChris

spellcheck line 13 too
 — unknown

right
 — bear

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