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Roger and his big greens.

My grandfather
had these eyes
that never hesitated
to make you sag down knee-high
to make you feel like you're nothing more than dirt.
He had eyes that
made you feel like a ventriloquist doll-
not even gasping your own deep breaths.
He had eyes that told you lies.
Eyes that made you feel
like less of a person than
the last glance he took over the top of your head.
Eyes that sought to stagger you everytime you were confident enough to stare.
He had eyes that were stronger than any x-ray.
Yeah- he'd see right through you.
Eyes that could see clear across the country
where nothing was secret, and he knew every mistake you ever made.
My grandfather
had these eyes
that never hesitated to tell you
how goddamn proud he was.

22 May 06

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I like this. I was right there with you through the whole poem, feeling the intensity of his stare, and then the ending struck me. Nice.

A small correction, in the last 3 lines you change tense. You say, "has" these eyes..."hesitated" to tell you. It should be had, or hesitate, but you need to change one or the other.

Also, 10-12 - I don't understand how you could feel less of a person than a glance... that doesn't make sense. Do you mean, "less of a person than when he last glanced over the top of your head"?
 — Maela

ha. yes, that's exactly what i meant.
thank you.
 — gonewrong

Much better! But you still need to change has to had in Line 19.
 — Maela