poetry critical

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the path to insanity is lined with nightmares

Down in the depths
of the diamond-sprinkled lake
ghost kisses leave more impression
than living lips
Phantom touches last on my skin
while warm fingertips trail unnoticed
Scenes from the past and present
scenes from the realm of "what if"
swirl together
until their colors are blended
and I can't tell the difference
I see nightmares on the shore
and memories underwater
I have tried to find solace
in an in-between place
but it seems I found it too well
For now I speak in riddles
and stare into unfathomable distances
forever half-drenched
in twilight

3 Jun 06

Rated 10 (9.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (4): 1, 9, 10, 10

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I like the idea is Lines 3 & 4. Change the title.
 — Delicatelie

wow, i like this one. <3 i really like l8, l12, and l17-20. goo job.

<3 me.
 — missmurder

swear to god i meant "good".
 — missmurder

do you think it needs a title? the only reason i put one was so people would have an easier time than they would distinguishing between one "untitled" and the next. what would you have me change it to?
 — caustic

agh, mine problem is the same!! i hate that these need titles because i never title my poetry. or, rather, i blatantly refuse to title it... >__>;;
 — missmurder

because you're a rebel. haha
 — caustic

Nice poem .Works well
 — unknown

i like it a lot
 — linushh

Wow - I love the surreal quality.  It is much like the feeling you get when you are under water looking up - that quality is reflected well in this poem.  Your word choices are interesting and original.  The title doesn't seem to give this poem enough credit.  Also - this is picky but I am trying to think of something - you use alot of adjectives "diamond-sprinkled lake", "ghost kisses", "living lips", "warm fingertips", etc... I wish that you could find some more creative ways to word these instead of the traditional adjective-noun.  The trick will be to do it without disrupting the flow.  I don't really have any suggestions though!  great poem though.  You could keep it just like it is and I would still think it was great.
 — lawoman

k, i changed the title. any better? any more suggestions? all critiques are welcome.
 — caustic

If you're a good person, have faith! This is amazing. I've been through this stage--it isn't necessarily forever if you keep working it out and getting things back to recovered- and one doesn't have to lose the spiritual knowledge and strength gained and merits, honors, and blessings earned. Don't let the loose associations take you over and get lost in fixes, etc if you're struggling with them. Some will lead you to good places and awarenesses but others are to be carefully fought through and not believed. Art and poetry can be great therapy and use of such in-between feeling life times.
 — C

thanks for the comment, c. i'm actually in an art class this year, and it seems to be helping some. i'm glad you liked the poem
 — caustic

This sounds painful.
A very descript poem with images that one can relate to
especially when feeling so,
Well, after the second read, I heard a soft resonance...
your voice.  
I could almost hear my nightengale fluttering inside, wanting to be set free to soothe you.
 — jenakajoffer

thank you so much, jenakajoffer
 — caustic

 — unknown

oh...nvm wrong poem
 — unknown

neways im gona recite ur poem in class...cuz i couldnt find any shorter one...already got the 1 para done w00t w00t
 — unknown

wow, thank you! that's a big compliment
 — caustic

i write better
 — unknown

tooo looong i agree with Last Minute Babe
 — unknown

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... ^_^
 — totalyLost

wow, i forgot about this one.
i'm glad you begged for attention tonight
or else I might not have found this again.
 — jenakajoffer